working Mom's place in the household

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
working Mom's place in the household
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 12:46am
I got to thinking after reading some of the sahm version (sorry couldn't read all of the posts there lol). I mean, I'm a working Mom, and I often not only work, but tonight I cooked dinner, did the clean up, did laundry, bathed my son and did his bedtime routine.

My husband has gotten a lot better, but for awhile everything fell to me. Working, housework, shopping, cooking, paying bills....he was going to school. (and that's ALL he did) I admit that for awhile I began to resent him, thinking "if you're home all day can't you at least VACUUM??" He's catching on, but it's still more like 70/30.

How about a working Mom? What do you think her role should be? Should she still have to do all the same things a sahm does AND work outside the home on top of it?

(please don't think my dh is a totally lazy guy. He's getting better but I've had to really communicate to him that I need his help, and then just let go of the stuff that bugged me, like a not so perfectly clean house!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:17am
That issue was part of the reason I became a SAHM. When we were first married we were both in the Air Force. When we got home from work, I made dinner, he watched TV. After dinner, I cleaned up, he watched TV. My weekends were spent cleaning, shopping and doing laundry, his weekends were spent hunting and fishing. It was hard enough with just the two of us, I figured adding a child to the mix would make it even harder on me.

But then something happened. He changed. We have been married going on 23 years and he has gotten more involved in the running of the household as the years have gone by. We are probably closer to 50/50 then we have ever been in our marriage.

I feel the same about this as I do the SAHP issue. It is really about time, not about work status. If they both spend the same amount of time outside the house working then the inside the house stuff should be divided fairly evenly. If one is working part time and the other full time then the part time worker should do more in the house. If one is temporarily working extra hours then the other should step in and do more but when the hours go back to normal the other should step back in.

Along with just actual hours worked the time that they are worked also makes a differece. If open gets home from work at 3:00 and the other not until 6:00 then for me it makes sense for the one who arrived home earlier to make dinner.