WWYD Bratty neighbor kid???
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|Sun, 06-06-2004 - 10:22pm|
Today, we returned home from a picnic and she had left an unbelievable message on the answering machine for DD. She said "You've not been home for two months and if you don't call me, I'm not sure I want to be your friend anymore." She continues to go on and on about how she's been trying to get a hold of her and that if she doesn't call back she won't be her friend, she is very angry, etc. etc.
I was furious. I just can't believe I'm hearing this type of manipulation from an 8 year old. It hasn't been two months, but 8 year-olds don't have a good sense of time. Yes we've been busy the last several weekends. There have been plenty of weekends when they are busy and aren't available to our kids either. It's just normal life stuff why they haven't seen each other in a few weeks.
It was pretty much water off DDs back, which is good, but I don't really want to support this kid's behavior. I told DD that I didn't think it was a good idea for her to go over there today. DH ended up taking them swimming anyway. When DH & I talked about it, I said that I felt I should call the dad and let him know what kind of message she left. I wouldn't be confrontational about it. I told DH that I wouldn't want DD to go over their today because that is just giving her what she wants. I really feel like this issue needs to be addressed.
What would you do? Would you tell the dad? Talk to the kid? Ignore it? Stop letting DD play with her?
DH said she probably has fears of loosing people because of her parents divorce. This may be true. But threatening someone into being your friend is not right, no matter how old you are.
I know the "I won't be your friend anymore" is pretty common at DD's age, but this kid is over the top. She will bring money and candy to our house for the purpose of bribing my kids to do things her way. If I hear it going on, I stop it and tell her she will have to go home if she continues. Once, she was hitting her little sister (Oh did I mention she is violent towards her?) My DDs were trying to get her to stop and yelled at her. She then pulls this, "You hurt my feelings because you yelled at me and I won't be your friend" crap. She has done mean things to my girls and when they tell her to stop, she pulls the you hurt my feelings, you need to apologize to me crap again. When I've caught her doing this, I tell her no, she is wrong and she needs to apologize to them. She usually just gives me this look like she can't believe a grown up is telling her no.
I don't know how many times I've sent her home for inappropriate behavior. I usually let the dad know what is going on. I try to be very diplomatic and not say "Your Kid....". I usually say that they've been fighting and I think it is time they spent some time apart. And he will say something to her like, You need to stop fighting.
My girls really like playing with these kids, (I'm not sure why). I'm really beginning to think that we shouldn't let them though. However, I also feel that we need to let the dad know why. I don't want to start a neighborhood feud. He is a nice guy. He's asked us to watch one or both of them before when he needs to run to the store, etc. After the divorce, he was going to a support group and we watched the girls for him on those nights. And he has done the same for us on occassion. He helped DH with some car work once and helped me move some furnature one weekend when Dh was out of town. I'm really glad it is him who stayed in the house and not mom. What a nutcase. Her DD definately takes after her.
But the girl's behavior has really gotten bad lately. It's gone from temper tantrums, which I absolutely didn't tolerate, to this more subtle form of manipulation. She's too smart for her own good. She's really displaying a lot of a-social behavior patterns. I can imagine a movie of the week about her after she is an adult.
Would you talk to the dad? Should I continue to just limit exposure and talk to my DDs about how what she does isn't nice and how to respond to her?