Another BM to SM List

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Another BM to SM List
33
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 10:57am

Here's the original article:


http://wordpress.cafesmom.com/?p=397


Here is a commentary on the original article:


http://coparenting101.org/2010/07/our-response-to-what-sassy-single-mamma-wants-stepmoms-to-know/


Here's the "list" itself:



1) Be a role model. Show the children how a woman acts and takes care of the household. My kids had to see a relationship fail once, so make sure they see love and respect.



2) I am their mother. Don’t ever try and take my place! Be there for them but know your role and never introduce them as YOUR kids!



3) Keep communication open. As hard as it might be sometimes make sure you talk with the mother about her kids (good and bad)



4) Don’t talk bad. Yes there are bad mothers out there! But its not your business. Don’t make a child feel they have to choose between the two families! Children are innocent and have the right to love someone even with faults



5) Be apart of their lives. Weather its full, primary, or partial custody its your job to be there! It will show the child and mother you want to be a great influence. Pluses you got something to talk to the child about!



6) Love them for them. Don’t try and change them. Don’t try and turn them into what YOU believe they should be.



7) Don’t compare them to your child. Every kid is different! They learn, play, and socialize in a way that’s comfortable for them.



8) Be a mediator. They will fight with their family and friends. Its your job to listen not to put fuel on the fire. Tell the father or mother what the child is telling you what’s going on.



9) Learn from them. Children have a remarkable way of showing us our flaws. Don’t take it as an insult or reason to run away.



10) Be willing to negotiate rules. Yes each house will have different rules but really look at how important it really was before you punish the other house with keeping up with a grounding or taking away of a favorite toy! I bet the mother will see your flexibility and will become more supportive and flexible with you as well.



11) Selfless! You must be able to share your husband with his kids. Yes there are days you will come home and want to talk to your husband but wait till the kids go to bed! (That’s if he doesn’t get them all the time) If he has a annual camping trip with the kids before school starts up, don’t invite yourself or complain a week is to long.



12) You are his wife, but I am the mother of his children. I’m not saying I’m better then you! I’m saying he has a responsibility to take care of his kids, and part of that is making sure his kids mother is okay! So when he says I got to drop my car off at___ because hers broke down and needs to get to work… Don’t complain! Realize its for the good of the kids.

Thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:00am

"I’m saying he has a responsibility to take care of his kids, and part of that is making sure his kids mother is okay! So when he says I got to drop my car off at___ because hers broke down and needs to get to work… Don’t complain! Realize its for the good of the kids."

I'm sorry, what? Are they really implying that should my car break down then BD has to give me his "for the good of our child"? Give me a break.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:12am

I couldn't get past the first one where my DS would need a SM to show him how a woman behaves and how she takes care of a home.


What am I supposed to do then - just spend the CS?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:23am

1) Be a role model. Show the children how a woman acts and takes care of the household.


1950'S are back! Fantastic!


3) Keep communication open. As hard as it might be sometimes make sure you talk with the mother about her kids (good and bad)


No thank you. DH can communicate, I can hang back.


9) Learn from them. Children have a remarkable way of showing us our flaws. Don’t take it as an insult or reason to run away.


Hmmm...


12) You are his wife, but I am the mother of his children. I’m not saying I’m better then you! I’m saying he has a responsibility to take care of his kids, and part of that is making sure his kids mother is okay! So when he says I got to drop my car off at___ because hers broke down and needs to get to work… Don’t complain! Realize its for the good of the kids.


My car breaks down, the last person I'm going to call is BD. Period.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:28am

My car breaks down, the last person I'm going to call is BD. Period.


It took BM in my sitch quite some time to get this memo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:35am

>>It took BM in my sitch quite some time to get this memo.<<


It took my own DH while he was still my fiance a while to get this memo. LOL


My car was totalled in an accident - my state has a percentage of fault law. Like the accident can be 95% one drivers fault and 5% the other drivers, so it's really hard to get insurance to cover rental cars.


I never thought twice - I just rented a car on my own dime. I had DS to cart around, a job to get to, and a life to get on with. About two weeks later when I was settling up with the rental place after buying a new car my DH (who had primary custody of DSD) said "Well, gosh I didn't know it would be that expensive. I could have let you use my other car, but BM is borrowing it."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:38am
That is so weird to me. I actually have no car right now and I would NEVER even consider asking BD if I could use his. So strange.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:39am

You are his wife, but I am the mother of his children. I’m not saying I’m better then you! I’m saying he has a responsibility to take care of his kids, and part of that is making sure his kids mother is okay! So when he says I got to drop my car off at___ because hers broke down and needs to get to work… Don’t complain! Realize its for the good of the kids.


Oh. Hell. No. I'm glad my DH isn't crazy. BM's car breaks down? She can call a friend (no my husband is not her friend), her DH or BF, or Enterprise Rent-a-Car to pick her up!!! My DH is not a solution to any of BM's problems. Period.


Just as crazy as saying that BD should pay BM's electricity bill if it gets cut off... Don't even get me started on that again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:42am
I thought it was weird too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2009
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:51am

1) Be a role model. Show the children how a woman acts and takes care of the household. My kids had to see a relationship fail once, so make sure they see love and respect.


Disagree.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games


The Honey disclaimer>>

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:53am
When BD and I first separated, my heat broke, dead of winter...I called the electric company. Same with when I totaled my cars (yes multiple)...rented a car on my own, bought a new car on my own...No need to involve him. I can handle things on my own, no need to depend on an X.
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