Arguing over taking time off of work!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2013
Arguing over taking time off of work!
6
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 5:01pm

I'm a bit annoyed with my husband right now, along with his ex.  They both feel that when THEIR kids get sick that I should "volunteer" to stay home with said sick child since I have more paid days off than either of them.  I've said that it's not my responsibility; I work hard and treasure any time off I'm able to take since I work in a stressful environment.  I might consider doing it for my husband if it would otherwise hinder our time off together, but refuse to cover for the ex.  

Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Tue, 01-29-2013 - 12:42pm

Yes, I totally agree with you that looking out for the kid is the best case scenario and should be a goal of divorced or not together parents.  I was just strictly responding to this particular post that indicated both the ex and her DH both seem to assume she should be the one that is taking time off of work to care for step child.  It shouldn't be an assumption by anyone, it should be something worked out cooperatively between all parties involved in an ideal situation, but is sounded like from this person's post that its obviously not the ideal situation and she shouldn't be automatically expected to be watching step child.  If the parents of the child cooperatively work together, if dad needs to cover a sick day when mom can't and vice versa, that is wonderful and ideal, but its not cooperatively working together if dad "volunteers" stepmom to watch stepchild when stepchild is sick without there first being a discussion and agreement between dad and stepmom.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 9:36pm

Obviously, you get to make your own decisions.  No one can force you to stay home, take a day off, etc. 

In a perfect world, your husband and his ex would be able to work together to ensure the kids are taken care of, and utilize you, grandparents, aunt/uncle, etc if and when necessary.  But, you, grandparents, aunt/uncle, etc have to AGREE to help out.

Personally, I wouldn't continue a marriage if my spouse was unwilling to step up for my kids.  But, that's my preference.  Your husband and you are going to have to work out what works for the two of you. 

Regarding the other posters, I completely disagree with mom being solely responsible for her time, dad being solely responsible for his time.  Especially if one has more time than the other.  Best case scenario, the parents would work together to make sure the kids are covered.  I can tell you I would NEVER be able to cover my kids sick days during my parenting time if Ex didn't step up to the plate.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 9:32am

wow HECK NO! IF the step child is with the mother and the child is ill, it is up to the MOTHER to find someone to watch the child... either herself, or her boyfriend or her parents or friend. It is up to HER to find sutible arrangements. If the step child is with your husband then it is up to HIM to find sutable arrangements, he can ASK you to take off, but it is up to  YOU if you say yes or no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2012
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 12:39pm
I also agree with Tracy. If it is time for them to be with you and your husband, you both need to find out a solution between the two of you. If children are scheduled to be with their bio mom when he is sick, I would then say it is her responsibility to stay home with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2012
Thu, 01-24-2013 - 11:38am

I agree with the other poster; if the child is with you and your hubby, it's up to the two of you to work out the logistics. If he or she is with their mom, it's her responsibility. Of course, there are always extenuating circumstances that can come into play and those should be discussed and agreed to by all parties beforehand. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 1:20pm

I think if stepchild is with you and DH and its your regularly scheduled visitation or custody time, then its between you and your DH to figure out who can or should use their time off to be home with the child.  On days that are not yours, ex gets to figure it out on her own just like any other single mom.  Now as for you and DH, that's between you two.   I know DH almost exclusively assumes it will be me that will be taking the time off becuase "I'm the mom", because all kids that live in the household are "ours" there isn't supposed to be a distinction between his and mine or ours.  But if its his child and there is a bit more distinction, then its his responsibility to find care for the sick kid, whether he sets up a babysitter or asks you really nicely if he can't do it himself.

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