Badmouthing the Ex

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Badmouthing the Ex
5
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 2:21pm

Here is an article from Huffington Post about how detrimental it can be to your children if you bad mouth your ex in front of them, and I would assume that the same goes for bad mouthing the stepmom.  Here is one of the examples the author gives: 

Mike, a 43-year-old man, still remembers his mother referring to his father as a loser after the divorce. Mike still can't shake the word "loser" from his head. Anytime he hears someone called a loser, he cringes. It has taken him to years to view his dad differently than the story told to him by his mother.

To date, Mike finds himself constantly trying to achieve so that his mother won't think he's a loser. I bet she never expected that by calling her ex-husband a loser, it would have such a lasting impact on her son.

You can read more examples of the affects of bad mouthing your ex at this link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marina-sbrochi/the-lasting-effects-of-ta_b_2538091.html

Do you think it's ever appropriate to make a negative remark about your ex or their SO?  How do you handle it if they are late with child support, there is a disagreement about parenting or the other parent is slacking when it comes to their custodial times?  

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 3:46pm

No matter how irritated or angry you are, it's never okay to badmouth your ex in front of the kids. If you need to vent, you need to save it for your friends or a close confidant that can keep their mouths shut. It drives me nuts when I see friends make comments on FB or such, just not appropriate.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
Thu, 02-14-2013 - 8:35pm

I think it is very inappropriate to talk about adult issues with any child whether your divorced or not. My DH and I have to deal with my SS's BM bad mouthing us every visit. It has caused such issues that He has been in therapy for more 3 and a half years and he's only 7. No child should have to worry about child support, you not being able to pay a bill, if there mom or dad is a dead beat, etc. Its not their problem it's yours. Let them worry about what game they are gonna play on playground not how do I fix mommy and daddy's problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
Thu, 02-14-2013 - 8:35pm

I think it is very inappropriate to talk about adult issues with any child whether your divorced or not. My DH and I have to deal with my SS's BM bad mouthing us every visit. It has caused such issues that He has been in therapy for more 3 and a half years and he's only 7. No child should have to worry about child support, you not being able to pay a bill, if there mom or dad is a dead beat, etc. Its not their problem it's yours. Let them worry about what game they are gonna play on playground not how do I fix mommy and daddy's problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Fri, 02-15-2013 - 10:17am

what constitutes bad mouthing? many people draw a line in different place on this. I have no problem telling SD when her mother lies, like during christmas time: DH tells SD "I am so excited to have you for christmas break, it is my first time since you were a baby!" SD goes home and comes back, "BM says you had me when i was 3" FDH corrects her, "no, that isn't true you you were 1" this to me isn't bad mouthing, but some people would see it as bad mouthing

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2011
Fri, 02-15-2013 - 10:06pm

I don't think there is anything wrong with correcting a lie that was told by the other parent as long a you don't say "that's not true your mother is a liar". I wouldn't make a big deal out of it either. because truthfully the child will find out that parent lies when they break promises or they catch the parent lying. I feel like bad mouthing is when you are saying ugly things about the other parent and their SO or talking about what you think the other parent is doing wrong.