Befriending Your Ex

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Befriending Your Ex
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 5:37pm

The author of this article feels that parents need to go to bat for their ex, in order to help them be a better parent to their children: 

I have learned one of the very difficult lessons of divorce: a divorced parent's responsibilities include not only being the best parent, but keeping the other parent in the loop. This translates into helping your ex be the best parent he or she can be -- even though, especially in the beginning of my divorce, I'd have preferred if my ex had moved to Mars.

Read the full article at:

Do you think it's possible to befriend the ex, and in extension his or her new partner?  Do you think it's your responsibility to help them be the best parents they can be to your child(ren)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 7:30pm

I actually agree with the article.  My ex and I have found a friendship post-divorce, and we both ensure the other is kept apprised of things with the kids, and we both back each other up. 

That said, there are ex's that you cannot do this with because it will be abused. Or the treatment of the children is so severe that you can't support the Other Parent.  But, I think relationships like in the article are more often possible than people think. 

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 04-10-2013 - 11:22am

If you can both be civil and put the interests of your children first, then yes, do the best you can to remain civil and friendly.  My ex was never involved with my ODD, but we remained civil and in fact his wife and I chat on email quite often, she has 3 girls the same age as my younger girls.  My ex's parents divorced when he was 3 and his sister was 5 and they remained very good friends with each other, occassionally celebrating holidays together and it was a good situation for the kids in the long run.  Both dated other people, but neither remarried until the kids were in college.  It isn't going to work in all situations, there sometimes is just too much anomosity to put aside, but if possible, it really is best for the kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Mon, 04-15-2013 - 3:13pm

I believe that in some cases this is possible, but in every case i have witnessed it is impossible