BM is moving (and update on us)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
BM is moving (and update on us)
28
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 11:58am

Hi all.... haven't posted in ages but still get on here everyday to see what is up. I am a SAHM almost exclusively now for the past 4 months and it has been an adjustment to say the least. DH took a big promotion at work and I am only doing real estate on a referral basis now. Kids are all doing great and growing like weeds, between school and sports and DH traveling for new job I am busier staying home than I was working FT.



Now onto the debate...BM called DH yesterday to let him know they are moving to a neighboring state in November that would put her approx 55 minutes away from the boys. Just to refresh everyone's memory DH became CP last year after kids refused to go back to BM's house due to her husband's rigid religious ideas and his bullying of the kids with said ideas. Since then boys are there EOW and 1 night a week for dinner. Practices, scouts and school seem to interrupt or at least shorten those weeknight visits most weeks but EOW seems to be going pretty well.



DH wants to address with her how this

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 12:59pm

Debate question, without a court order what percentage of travel do you think DH should offer to do?



With no court order? None.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 1:02pm
In your case? Courts, courts, courts. Negates the ability of control-freak SF to have any input.



THIS, so hard.






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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 1:02pm
A Stepparent is as much a parent as an ex-wife is a wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 1:12pm

>>"...without a court order what percentage of travel do you think DH should offer to do?...">>



i'd say NONE....though if he chooses to generously

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 1:21pm

If it were me, I'd agree to continue doing as much post-move driving as I currently am pre-move.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 1:26pm

I believe if you move, you need to figure out how you are going to be a part of your kids lives without imposing on theirs. Extra currs should not be forfeited because of LD visits. LD parent needs to make the kid their priority or they miss visit or a part of the visit.

As far as transport, I would ask BM how she planned on getting the kids. If your DH wanted to meet half way he could, or not! Although, I wouldn't be willing to go half way maybe 1/4 of the way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 1:48pm

i think so, i think extracurriculars should trump LD visits, IMO the kids lives should not be interupted (especially if they prefer not to).....i probably wouldn't file anything at this point, what is there TO change really?....if moms willing to come to the kids for her time, so be it...if not, okay too.



I agree with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 1:57pm

Hi, Shorto - glad things are going well for you!



As to the debate, I have another question for you:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 2:26pm

You might find this shocking, but I really must say that I dislike your skids Mom greatly.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 2:27pm

"ugh. im sorry, but i absolutely hate this attitude. CPs are supposed to put their kids best interests above all else. which includes, unless they are being harmed by it, facilitating a relationship with their NCP if NCP is unable to do so themselves. a little cooperation goes a long way."

Key words: "Unless they are being harmed by it"

Given the history in this case, I'd say that clause comes into play and I wouldn't be offering to cooperate much with anything that put those kids under SF's roof or control. BM wants to come visit? I'd pay her gas. But driving the kids and leaving them in a volatile situation? Not without a court order saying I had to.

















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