BM#1 and BD's deployment: WWYD

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
BM#1 and BD's deployment: WWYD
18
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:32pm

I posted last week BD is deploying to Afganistan next year. He will be gone over a year (February for a month of training, deploys in March - unless dates change - will be gone at least one year, and likely have post training after).



BM#1 does know about the deployment.



Summer 2009 when BD was gone for 4 months, the

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:37pm

I would approach this respectfully and pretty much ask her to get his idea of what is best and then respect that.

For whatever her reasons, she wants him part of that decision making process. After all, both are his children and whether you like his opinion on it or not, he should have one in it.

He's deploying, not falling off the face of the planet. He is able to communicate with either one of you on this via e-mail or phone (when he has time for morale calls).

I think you should simply respond you will respect whatever he decides because I imagine she is not expecting you to say that, and it will call her bluff, if she's into PA games.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:39pm

Based on what I have read of the situation, I would take it as her passive way of saying, she isn't doing something that BD wouldn't approve of and/or she isn't really interested in the visits while he is deployed. I would find you pushy and annoying.



I would leave the situation without a response and not bother with the visits.

Lee

Lee

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2009
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:42pm
I think this is a difficult situation.
A Stepparent is as much a parent as an ex-wife is a wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:42pm

Based on what I have read of the situation, I would take it as her passive way of saying, she isn't doing something that BD wouldn't approve of and/or she isn't really interested in the visits while he is deployed. I would find you pushy and annoying.



I agree. The part that irks me is that when it comes to HER wanting something (information, etc), her rules don't apply any longer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:44pm

I think this is a difficult situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:45pm

I wouldn't appease her any further when it comes time for wanting. I think she's communicated what kind of relationship she wants with you, a very one-sided one and rather distant at that.

I don't know if I would continue investing in a relationship like that. You have tried to get the siblings together and she's resistant in a way that keeps you left second-guessing what she means.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:47pm

"off serving his country..."

*giggle* I always enjoy reading that when the reality is the motivation wasn't about anybody but oneself re: employment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:49pm

I would approach this respectfully and pretty much ask her to get his idea of what is best and then respect that.



For whatever her reasons, she wants him part of that decision making process. After all, both are his children and whether you like his opinion on it or not, he should have one in it.



He doesn't have an opinion in anything his children do, ever. So I don't expect him to respond to this - and that's ok. If she doesn't want her daughter seeing her brother while their dad is gone, that is absolutely her choice to make, even if it isn't one I would make.



He's deploying, not falling off the face of the planet. He is able to communicate with either one of you on this via e-mail or phone (when he has time for morale calls).



I think you should simply respond you will respect whatever he decides because I imagine she is not expecting you to say that, and it will call her bluff, if she's into PA games.



That's the thing - he won't decide anything. I think you're forgetting who we're talking about here :). He won't come up with a plan. He expects us to think for him. And if he doesn't like it, which I'm assuming will happen, he'll ignore it. And DS and I will deal with it, just sucks for him IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:51pm

I don't know if I would continue investing in a relationship like that. You have tried to get the siblings together and she's resistant in a way that keeps you left second-guessing what she means.



I agree, and I've backed off from my relationship with her a lot b/c of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:51pm
I'm sorry your son has to deal with the both of them playing games with the sibs. I just don't think there is much you can influence on this one because the other mother is obviously not interested but won't be straightforward about it.

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