Calling Step-parent Mom and Dad?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Calling Step-parent Mom and Dad?
6
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 3:29pm

Do you think it's okay for a step-parent to ever be called mom or dad?  

A friend of mine was upset that her ex is called "dad" by his step-daughters even though he strictly forbid her new husband to have any type of nickname that her kids could call him.   I personally don't like it when people have double standards like that, and was curious to see what you all think of it.  I was also wondering if a parent has the right to dictate that to the other parent.  My SIL calls her step-dad "Papa" to make it different but still acknowledge the fatherly role he's played in her life.     

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 4:32pm

Welcome to the board, it's great to have you here! I agree with your post, if it's driven by love you hope that all the adults can learn to deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 12:21am
I have heard my dd refer to her dad and step-mom as her parents. But if she's referring specifically to her step-mom she calls her her step-mom or by her first name. She only refers to my H by his first name so far, but we only got married a month ago.

Her grandparents on her dad's side are divorced and one of them is remarried. So she has five grandparents and she refers to them all by grandma/grandpa-first name.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Fri, 08-31-2012 - 1:56pm

My SD calls me by my first name, but her Mom's BF Dad.

Mom claims it's because she lives with them most of the time and SD felt more comfortable to call him that, which may be the case, but we will never know how it happened or why she started to call him Dad 100% other then taking it at face value.

It made my DH uncomfortable and it does me too simply because when she is here she calls him Dad and I'm not sure which Dad she is talking about during some conversations!?  I'm not her Mom and would prefer she either make up a nick name for me or call me (as she does) by my first name.

On the flip side, if one parent is 100% out of the picture, then the dynamics are different and it would make more sense then...or if the child was adopted by the step-parent, that too would be completely different. 

It depends alot on the circumstances...but I think if both bio-parents are actively involved in the childs life THEY are the ones who should maintain the family titles IMO.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 4:23pm

I think it's only acceptable in extreme circumstances, like where the birth parent hasn't been a part of the child's life in a very long time and the stepparent has taken on the main mom or dad role.  If the birth parents still have a place in the child's life, than it is never acceptable to call them mom or dad.   I don't have a problem with other variations of mom or dad if the step has a good relationship with the child, but it should be up to the child and not forced upon them by the parent.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2010
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 6:45pm

It depends on when the adult came into the child’s life (young/old), the relationship the child has with the bio parent, (if a relationship even exists) and what the child is comfortable with (was it the child’s own doing or forced by parent/adult).

To argue.. If you want my step child to stop calling me “Mom” then quit using my last name. 

If you want to use our last name, I’ll use your first.