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|Wed, 09-29-2010 - 7:27am|
BD has EOW and holidays for SD6. SM and BD have DD4. SM also has DD18 and DS20.
BM and BD do not have a good coparenting relationship.
BD and SM share a parenting philosophy which centers around teaching independence and self-sufficiency, manners and education as priorities and exposing the child to varied experiences as a learning tool.
BM's philosophy is centered around duty to family. Her time is spent visiting her extended family and she is not concerned with eduction or discipline. She doesn't push her child to be independent and still does many things for her that she probably could do on her own. She prefers to keep their world small with little exposure to anything new or different as she thinks this makes them more secure. Her philosophy is 'They are only little for a short while. So what if they are unruly in the shops or don't do well in school? Let them be kids. They will grow up soon enough.'
BD and SM have a system in place where children earn extras and get privilges taken away for bad behavior. SD6 is always having things taken away and never follows through to earn extras.
BD and SM are concerned with treating the children fairly and have tried putting SD6 in swimming and other activities but she won't follow instructions and she disrupts the rest of the class. SD6 seems to only want to sit in front of the TV, which is strictly limited at BDs home. SD has been sent home from school at least twice for bully behavior. SM and BD feel that too much time is spent trying to correct SDs behavior in the home and both feel bad about it. They also feel that they cannot compromise their standards for acceptable behavior and they are worried about the influence SD will have on their DD. BD spoke to BM and BM denies that SD ever does anything wrong in her care but BD does not believe her.
BM says SM is too strict and that she is not allowing child to be a child. BM feels that time with BD should have 100% focus on the child and that the child should not be asked to do anything except what pleases her. BM insists that child has expressed that she no longer wishes to go to dad's home because it isn't 'fun'. SM feels it is unfair to blame her because BD agrees with her parenting style and she feels that she has been through it all before and knows what works for her.
BD agrees with SM but is also concerned that his time with his ODD is mostly spent trying to rectify bad behavior and is aware that things appear unfair since DD4 earns more and is allowed more for good behavior.
So...I think the debate is:
When there is a vast difference in parenting philosophies, how strictly does the 'my house, my rules' edict apply?
What if there is bad behavior, poor manners, and a 'me,me,me' attitude from the child due to the difference in parenting styles and one home feels ignoring or giving in to it will negatively influence other children living there?
What if the younger child is picking up bad grammar and bad manners from the older child?
To what extent should BD and SM compromise their values for what is, in their opinion, a failure to effectively parent on the part of BM?
Re-word and rephrase as necessary.