Dating and Custody

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2013
Dating and Custody
Wed, 08-21-2013 - 3:08pm
I have dating my boyfriend for sometime (there are clearly wedding bells, and a family about to form here) but recently his ex (and while not alaways a B-word, she is clearly not too bright) has begun living with a man (first telling us he was "just a friend" then casually showing off that him and his 2 year old are living with them). this man is a loser and a bum. He scared away the nanny (just a summer nanny but a wonderful woman) by hitting on her in front of the kids, he has smoked in front of them, and cussed. Her own family (my boyfriebnds ex) is concerned, and urged him to talk to her. At first he told them no, it wasnt his business who she dated as long as there was no emotional or physical harm to the kids. Then we find out he has a record that is pretty long, that includes an domestic battery charge in 2002 and then he was in jail for about a year and half (released May 2013) for non payment of child support on a child he does not live with.
I don't know what to do, I encourage my boyfriend to speak with his ex, share his concerns for the kids (and her) but I'm not sure where my boundaries should be, what I should encourage him to do or not do, or anything. Sorry to ramble, I am just beyond confused at this point.
help if you can :) Thanks!!
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 08-21-2013 - 3:33pm

At this point, and honestly at all, its not for you to have a role.  If he wants to talk to her, and feel comfortable, then he should definitely talk to her and raise concern for the kids.  He could take a hard line and ask to have it written into an agreement that no one can live with the kids that are not related by marriage, but other than that, there is not much that can be done.  Jail for non-payment of child support IMO is something completely different than a domestic battery charge from 10 years ago especially if you don't know the circumstances behind it.  I would just encourage him to do his best to keep open communication with his ex.  We do have a divorce lawyer on the board, she may chime in with some other advice also.