The Ethics of Legal Separation (Moral...

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Registered: 12-31-1969
The Ethics of Legal Separation (Moral...
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Tue, 09-21-2010 - 1:33pm


The Ethics of Legal Separation (Moral Debate, not Legal!!)





  • Call me when the ink on your divorce is dry.

  • Morally acceptable to casually date without meeting their children.

  • Morally acceptable to casually date AND meet their children.

  • Morally acceptable to cohabitate with, but not have your own children with.

  • Morally acceptable to cohabitate and start a family with.



You will be able to change your vote.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 1:38pm
I'm of the belief that one is married until the judge signs off on the divorce. I know others feel differently and if they have a legal separation or whatever they can date whenever they want but I could have never done that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 1:42pm

Considering I dated DH before divorce was final but legally was not adultry and BM had a BF, who would have cared? Now, did it bother me, yes. I didn't like dating a man who was still technically married even though in our state the date you file your papers you are free to roam. Unfortunately, BM filed her proof of service incorrectly and they had to start over and that is why they were not divorced by the time we actually did move in. It was final two months later.

What is not ethical is rubbing it in and moving to quick for the kids or ex too for that matter.

I wasn't going to date him, but my own very catholic father said why not, he's a good man and he's never approved of one bf of mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 1:43pm
I voted "call me when the ink is dry", but not for moral reasons...because there's all kinds of healing, finding out who you are now, adjusting to post-divorce life that needs to be done. I'm not anyone's guinea pig.

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Mom to DD-13 and DS-11



Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 1:45pm

<<< Instead of hijacking RJ's thread, I figured I'd start my own. Man/Woman is legally separated from their spouse. What are YOUR MORAL beliefs as to what is right or wrong in this sitch? Does it matter if the parent is CP or NCP?>>>

hmmmm. which is morally superior? Getting divorced in the first place, having a child out of wedlock but in a committed relationship, or dating while legally separated?

I really find this ridiculous Belle.

brc

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 1:47pm
I'm of the mind that what consenting, informed adults do is their business, especially when it's something that is within the law.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2006
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 1:52pm

I had a whole thing in my head I was going to type...



Then read through and found I could just ditto you :)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 1:58pm
Option not offered: don't call me if you have a child from a previous relationship. Not interested in even attempting to traverse that landscape no matter how "great" or legally "right" it is.




Edited 9/21/2010 1:59 pm ET by peripheral_running
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 2:07pm

I can't vote, because there isn't an option for 'varies according to culture'.

Because it does. It's no coincidence that those who live in states/countries with fast divorce are saying they'd never consider a married man and those who live in countries with stupid, archaic divorce laws are saying it's fine for a legally separated person to move on.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games



"Justice, fairness, and the Aquarian way"



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 2:11pm

"I voted "call me when the ink is dry", but not for moral reasons...because there's all kinds of healing, finding out who you are now, adjusting to post-divorce life that needs to be done. I'm not anyone's guinea pig."

But see, that doesn't matter a lot of times either. Some divorces are really quick. Mine was 3 months from start to finish as was DH's from BM. I wouldn't think that those 3 months are going to make a whole lot of difference in adjusting for some. For me, there was nothing to adjust to; it was just thank goodness I finally got the wish I'd been asking for for 9 years! :o)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 2:13pm

Obviously the legally separated person can't fully move on or they could remarry legally in countries with archaic divorce laws on the books.

I certainly don't think you should be reproducing with a legally separated married man. Flame me for saying it but I just find that unwise on so many levels, to include the fact he can't legally commit to you via marriage.

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