How Far Does Former RSM Get To Step OUT

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
How Far Does Former RSM Get To Step OUT
37
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 2:19pm

When told not to meddle?


Yes, this is my personal situation which has gone to hot places in a hand basket in less than 2 months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 2:30pm

It's called disengagement in the stepmother community. There is an essay at www.steptogther.org on this subject that might help you figure out how you want to proceed from here.

Welcome to the teen years especially complicated in a blended family. I don't think BM gets to tell you how to handle your role in your home. That's your spouse's position to sign off on...and since technically you have no obligation to SD, you need to figure out what you are comfortable further contributing/investing in her that causes you little to no resentment...and then come to the table calmly with DH to suss out where there might be problems with him.

BMs situation is irrelevant to what goes on in your home with your spouse. She holds no responsibility there for your and your spouse's choices in responsibility splits with children so whether she SAHM or a working one...with a million kids under her belt, not a relevant factor in the decisions you are making going forward. So focus on your limitations, concerns and your DHs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 2:37pm

If it were me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 2:42pm

<<>>

You have absolutely no obligation when it comes to your SD. And when it comes to the lies that she's been telling about you, I'd be telling your DH that she isn't to be in the home when he is away. Seriously, I'd not be alone with the girl EVER. You have minor children to be there for and protect (from foster care, in the worst case).

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 2:44pm

So MY question/debate is just exactly HOW far do I GET to butt out of this entire situation?>>>

All the way out. You're in the clear. As far as I'm concerned you have no moral or ethical responsibilities to DSD. Let your DH handle this nutcase and his daughter.

Ugh...sorry you're going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 3:05pm
I'm going to put my ditto with this post. I would advise completely removing yourself from the situation and concentrating on your children in your home and letting DH handle his child.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 3:05pm

<<>>

I so ditto this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2010
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 3:06pm

So MY question/debate is just exactly HOW far do I

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 3:12pm
If it were me?
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 3:19pm
Do you even have to ask? If my skids made false accusations to me like this, I would have a hard time even letting them in my home. I would be so far removed I am not sure that she would see me again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 3:31pm

>>BMs situation is irrelevant to what goes on in your home with your spouse. She holds no responsibility there for your and your spouse's choices in responsibility splits with children so whether she SAHM or a working one...with a million kids under her belt, not a relevant factor in the decisions you are making going forward.<<


I think this is me looking for my out in regards to it all.

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