How far out of it to stay

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2009
How far out of it to stay
4
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 6:21pm

EOW BD has screwed the pooch in terms of his relationship to kid, age 12. Things are so bad that kid has insisted on reducing visitation, BD has been made aware of why.


Kid calls BD to tell him how he feels (angry, hurt, unloved). Kid has privacy to make the call. Kid comes out of the room afterward still in tears.


Should BM push for details on the call? Is it intruding into the BD/kid relationship or just caring for the kid emotionally? Kid has a therapist, but the next appointment is in 2 weeks- should BM just wait until then and tell the therapist about it?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 6:24pm

I'd wait and just tell the therapist about it.

Chances are (and especially at 12) the kid might be exaggerating the circumstances and a therapist might have some less biased advice going (Objective party perspectives rock!) that may be better for the kid in the long term.

I understand it's hard, but pestering them now might just make the child more upset. Maybe they just need some time to cool down and have a long think about it to themselves before coming to a conclusion. Wait for them to come to you,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2009
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 6:52pm
Unfortunately the kid is not exaggerating. This is all based on behaviors by BD that are visible to everyone in the picture. I do agree that the therapist is likely to be more unbiased, unfortunately she's on vacation until mid-September so an earlier appointment isn't even going to be an option.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 7:31pm
When DD does this, I tell her if she needs to talk, I'm here....I leave it at that. She know's I'm there but I haven't pushed her. Chances are my emotions will not be in the right place, I'm always tempted to go all Mamma Bear on him.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 8:43pm
At that age, I think they need an opening in case they need to talk a la "I'm here if you need me" (thanks, Nima).