Is it okay to walk away?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Is it okay to walk away?
Fri, 07-06-2012 - 5:48pm

At some point in any relationship, you have to decide whether you can either accept the other person as they are, or move on with your life.  When it comes to children, is it ever okay to just walk away from it?

This question came to mind from another post on a forum, where the daughter is determined that the stepmother (after a couple of decades of marriage to her dad) shouldn't attend her wedding.  The situation seemed to be coming from years of bad  feelings that never got worked out, and possibly a mom who didn't help the situation.   Whenever the dad tries to remedy the situation, it doesn't go well.  From my perspective, it seems that they are left in the position of accepting whatever crumbs the daughter is willing to send their way.  

Is it ever time to just stop beating your head against the wall and decide to take a break from that child?  Do you just have to keep at it, or have faith that in time the child will come around? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 1:16am
A friend of mine in high school turned her back on her parents when they wouldn't let her stay out late and grandma said they should. She ended up moving in with grandma senior year, marrying the guy, had two kids, and were together for about 20 years when it fell apart. At about 15 years after leaving home, she did bring her kids over to see the mom some. I think she is now getting along better with her mother than in many years. So, maybe wait and see. I know her parents were not invited to her wedding or any births.

My step sister always hated my mother, spurred by her mother, I think. Some time after college she did apologize and they are getting along better. My mother offers no advice - lets dad do that. But she is welcoming to her and the kids when they want to come over.

I would say, let the child decide. If stepmom can't go to the wedding, then Dad won't be there, as hard as it is. They ARE a couple, and she should recognize that and the fact that they have vows to each other, just has she is about to take. In 20 years, I am sure she would not be happy if her child who was getting married said that she was allowed, but father was not.

Unless there was documented abuse, as in, CPS substantiated, I would take this stance. I know my step sister spread some pretty horrible stories about my mother, which I did not appreciate. Yes, my mother was stricter than her mother, but it was because she didn't want any of us becoming teen parents.