Is it right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Is it right?
Tue, 02-19-2013 - 5:24pm

My stepdaughter was crying histerically stating her mother told her that she doesn't even know why she visits when her dad isn't here. She told her daughter she doesn't like her visiting when her dad isn't here.I told SD that she can tell BM that when she is over she is doing sister stuff I told my husband this and my husband told me it isnt even BMs business what SD does here! SD is over not only to see me, but to be part of my family and being part of my family includes playing with DDs and being with you! who is right? Biomom or Biodad & Stepmom

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Tue, 02-19-2013 - 5:29pm

I am sure in her eyes, the BM feels she is right.  If you and your DH were not married, or did not have children together, someone could argue that if DH is not home, then its not that important because stepdaughter's visitation is intended to spend time with her bio parent.  However, you are married and you do have kids, so just as much of her visit is about spending time with her dad as well as her new siblings and the family unit that you have together.  Obviously BM shouldn't be putting SD in the middle and i would recommend you tell DH not to either by telling her to pass along messages and what to say, that he should call BM directly and let her know that its not acceptable to put her in the middle of it.  I know its easier said then done...