Long lost family...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Long lost family...
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 12:44pm

Never married, BM and BD have DD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 1:29pm

WWYD if you were DD?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 2:58pm

Should DD continue to decline offers from the family functions or should she use this as a chance to get

Real SM's use Jazz Hands
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 4:06pm

Nephew's in the same situation.

He's raised around sister's partner's family. (niece's father)
Of course he rarely sees his BD to begin with (twice a year at most) for no other reason than his dad's a bum. Sister has never stopped BD from seeing him.

He's met some of BD's family once or twice but that's about it. He doesn't know them, they don't contact each other and birthday and christmas cards/presents and what have you don't get exchanged because his family don't seem to be bothered about him.

I'm not sure how nephew feels about that or how he'll feel in future either. I do remember BD talling sister that his mother was dead. And that was true until sister recieved a phone call from her some years ago. :S

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 4:39pm

WWYD if you were DD?

She should do what she wants to do. She is an adult and should make a decision as an adult, and not in "well, they want to know me now and so I'm not going to let them neener neener". As long as she doesn't drop to that behavior, she can choose to see them or not see them. WRT "WWID"

If she doesn't care to know them, politely decline and tell Dad that she's never known them up to this point, and has no interest now.

If she does want to meet these people, she needs to accept that every family is not the same, and some are just distant. I have spoken to my uncle once in 10 years since he moved across the country. If he came into our home town at the same time I was in town, I'd have no problem visiting or any reason to have a problem. I've only seen my aunt and cousin at Christmas at my grandparents house. If they get too old to do Christmas or go in a nursing home, I'll probably never hear from the aunt or the uncle or anyone else again. That's just how it is.