Me v Step mother

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2012
Me v Step mother
37
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 10:17pm
Me and the SM have had issues from day one. She took over my role as a mother from day one. The father let her. Soon after she was referring to her as her "mommy" and me as my first name. I was very upset. I was going through a rough time in my life and let it slide. I knew this lady was a snake before I met her. The father wouldn't let me meet her either. We had a child custody case in July 2011 and that is the first time I met her. Her and dad had been married since 2009, and we're dating since 2008. I asked repeatedly but nothing. They refused to tell me the address of their house until a year later. I am not happy with the take over of my daughter. Needless to say, I lost my 50/50 custody arrangement that me and her father worked out without the courts. They granted him primary during the school year. No, I am not a bad mother, I am not an abuser of drugs, alcohol, physical, nothing! Just bad circumstances and lawyer. I got married to my sons father last June. First marriage for both, we have been together now 6 years. He treats my daughter like his own. We never refer to her dad as his first name, we both have been respectful. Because of these and many other circumstances we have decided to move to a different state, 12 hours away. I know, I know, how could I "leave" my daughter? I'm not, there will be an arrangement to see her as often as I can. The main reason we are moving is because my husbands entire family live there. I'm estranged from everyone in my family. I was talking to my daughter the other night. She told me that SM told her she will be glad when she doesn't have to come over here anymore. I don't know how to handle this girl anymore. She's ridiculous and neither her or dad care about my daughters feelings. This is VERY hard the way it is. Any suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 10:48pm

There has to be more information.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2012
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 7:45am
If you know why, let me know! The order said nothing about why. I am baffled as well as everyone else I know. He's a convicted felon! I have an OWI from 10 years ago, 3 years before she was born. He lives closer to the school? And has a bigger house? We have joint custody. There is no more than what I have explained. Hard to do in when 3-4 years of crap that went on. Basically he thought was the superior parent and I did have an attorney who had been doing this for 15 hears, he didn't bring up things that I thought were important. Things that could have swayed. $11 k down the drain. And moving away may not be the answer, but until someone is put in my situation, then no one will understand. I have an obligation to my son and husband as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2012
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 9:19am
Oh and there was not an order prior. It was an agreement we had.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 9:25am

"He lives closer to the school? And has a bigger house?"

perhaps it is because the father is more capable to support the child. This could be a reason. Moving away probably wont help you gain custody of your child, but it will help the father look better, it may appear to the courts that you have given up on the child. If you don't change things you may end up loosing the child all together.

I do not agree with the child calling SM mommy while calling you by your first name... but if the child stays with the father full time, it is not hard to understand that she sees SM more as a mother than one that is around only a few days a month

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 10:19am
There are lots of things that go into custody decisions. Were you in the same school area? Did you move frequently? Domestic violence history? Stalking history? Instability? Mental illness? Miss a court date or filing? Lose your cool in court?

Regardless, moving won't fix the issue, and will likely make it worse. The child will have even more time with SM, and will likely start seeing her more as mom. The child is going to get older and have activities and interests and friends and a job. Are you going to demand she visit you instead of doing those things? If so, I guarantee your relationship is going to go downhill.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2012
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 8:00am
The court order is in place. I'm not going to lose any more time with her. We already worked out an agreement for visitation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2012
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 8:11am
Same place 5 years. She's 6. He abused me but because I never called the cops it was his word against mine. That's why I left. Stalking? Hahahaha, that's funny. No missed court dates, very organized and on top of things. There is a thing called fathers rights and the courts are leaning towards fathers. He was more convenient than me. He and SM are Self employed, live two blocks from the school. I have a school a block from me but because I live in an area with different races he didn't want her in that school. This all started because of SM. like I said before, 3-4 years of stuff. I could fill pages about things that went on. What it came down to was convience. The court addressed him directly and told him to stop alienating me and SM needs to take a back seat.n I had no problem her calling SM mom, but when she starts calling my husband dad, and I get confronted for it? And then she gets in trouble? I am moving because of family, do you have get togethers with family for holidays? Cousins? Grandparents? Etc? We don't. I have no family and neither does my husband or son where we are at. It's unfortunate but I'm looking at the positives. My daughter is excited and she understands why. She has a big family on her dads side. She likes that. And she will have more family on my side now. I got married at a courthouse, no honeymoon, been on 2 dates since Jan 2011. Put yourself in my shoes and pleas don't assume I did something wrong.m the place I worked at before I spoke with an older lady, who's kids are 19 and 20, she said same exact thing happened to her. It's happening all over. And just because someone as a criminal record and previous drug problem doesn't negate them from being a parent. According to the courts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 9:07am
My point was that there are many things that go into making custody decisions. I listed a few.

Regardless, if you are willing to move away from your child, I'd say the Judge made the best decision for the child in giving dad custody.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2012
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 9:20am
We got joint custody all around. He just got her during the school year and summer is flipped.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 9:20am

perhaps, perhaps not, MY opinion, judges make mistakes, they also make great rulings, IMO the judge in my cirmcumstance made a HORRIBLE ruling, my children fahter was abusive, i EVEN made CHARGES against him, he was in jail, there were pictures of what he had done... he had since abandonded the kids for years.... they wouldn't terminate his rights.... he made NO effort to call, visit, or sent support for years... all of a sudden a few months after the order... he started calling and visiting and then after all that he started making his regular visitations.... now, he doesn't have primary custody, but i don't see how they would allow nyone who was physically abusive to have ANY custody of their children

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