Paying attention to the OP
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|Wed, 09-29-2010 - 10:29pm|
CP has SLC. NCP sees child a few days a month and is minimally involved.
CP and NCP do not get along well. Don't really speak or communicate. What is communicated by the CP to NCP isn't usually respected by NCP and is usually ignored. There is no real adult conversation and/or communication WRT the child and it's always been this way.
When problems have arisen in the past and CP has tried to discuss it with the NCP, NCP does not take CP seriously and does what they want, regardless of how it may affect CP or the child, or anyone else.
Child handles the lack of relationship with NCP very well. Has very involved CP and CSP. (CP and NCP divorced when child was young and SP has been in the picture since child was very young).
When NCP does take an interest in the child and the child's activities, it's usually sports. This season is the child's 4th season in this sport. NCP has made it to 3 out of 8 games.
Last season the child started making comments to CP about NCP being at games. Child doesn't care whether or not NCP is at games and has made this clear, on their own. Child never wants to go to a game if for some reason CP or CSP can't be there, which has only happened twice in 4 seasons.
Last season also, child started ignoring NCP at games. For instance, CP and CSP were taking the child to the restroom before the game started - NCP walked right past, and CP had to tell the child to say hi to their parent. Child said hi, and went on. Child pretty much behaves as though NCP isn't present.
This season, at the games NCP has shown up to, NCP has showed up late and not made an effort to talk to child (nor have they in the past). NCP basically has always left the relationship in the hands of the child (telling the child they need to call them more, etc, basically leaving the initation of any sort of relationship in the hands of the child).
At the games this season NCP has attended, CP has to tell child to say hi to NCP. NCP says hi, doesn't talk about game or life in general, and leaves.
If you were the CP, how would you handle this, or would you? Does the fact that the child seems to be fine with the way things are make a difference? Would you question the child as to why they take no interest in NCP being around, knowing that the child really doesn't care if they show up or not anyway? Would you address this with the NCP, knowing in the past when things like this are brought up the blame is usually placed on the CP or the child, instead of the NCP taking responsibility for their own actions (or lack of actions)?
Should it be the child's responsibility to initiate contact at activities or events such as the ones mentioned above? Would it matter the age of the child? Would you consider it disrespectful that the child does these things?