Paying attention to the OP

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Paying attention to the OP
8
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 10:29pm

CP has SLC. NCP sees child a few days a month and is minimally involved.



CP and NCP do not get along well. Don't really speak or communicate. What is communicated by the CP to NCP isn't usually respected by NCP and is usually ignored. There is no real adult conversation and/or communication WRT the child and it's always been this way.



When problems have arisen in the past and CP has tried to discuss it with the NCP, NCP does not take CP seriously and does what they want, regardless of how it may affect CP or the child, or anyone else.



Child handles the lack of relationship with NCP very well. Has very involved CP and CSP. (CP and NCP divorced when child was young and SP has been in the picture since child was very young).



When NCP does take an interest in the child and the child's activities, it's usually sports. This season is the child's 4th season in this sport. NCP has made it to 3 out of 8 games.



Last season the child started making comments to CP about NCP being at games. Child doesn't care whether or not NCP is at games and has made this clear, on their own. Child never wants to go to a game if for some reason CP or CSP can't be there, which has only happened twice in 4 seasons.



Last season also, child started ignoring NCP at games. For instance, CP and CSP were taking the child to the restroom before the game started - NCP walked right past, and CP had to tell the child to say hi to their parent. Child said hi, and went on. Child pretty much behaves as though NCP isn't present.



This season, at the games NCP has shown up to, NCP has showed up late and not made an effort to talk to child (nor have they in the past). NCP basically has always left the relationship in the hands of the child (telling the child they need to call them more, etc, basically leaving the initation of any sort of relationship in the hands of the child).



At the games this season NCP has attended, CP has to tell child to say hi to NCP. NCP says hi, doesn't talk about game or life in general, and leaves.



If you were the CP, how would you handle this, or would you? Does the fact that the child seems to be fine with the way things are make a difference? Would you question the child as to why they take no interest in NCP being around, knowing that the child really doesn't care if they show up or not anyway? Would you address this with the NCP, knowing in the past when things like this are brought up the blame is usually placed on the CP or the child, instead of the NCP taking responsibility for their own actions (or lack of actions)?



Should it be the child's responsibility to initiate contact at activities or events such as the ones mentioned above? Would it matter the age of the child? Would you consider it disrespectful that the child does these things?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 12:59am

If I were the custodial parent?

"I know you don't care if NCP shows or not. But when he does, I expect you to be civil, and that includes saying hello or otherwise acknowledging his existence. You don't have to roll out a red carpet or anything if you don't want to, but I expect basic, common civility from you. This isn't your decision; it's our rule. When we see people we know, we say hello. Your NCP is no different."

************

Kitty



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************

Kitty

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 4:44am
It isn't a child's responsibility to try and initiate contact with NCP, however I do believe it's the child's responsibility to respond in a polite fashion should they be addressed by a parent, NCP or not.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 8:59am

It isn't a child's responsibility to try and initiate contact with NCP, however I do believe it's the child's responsibility to respond in a polite fashion should they be addressed by a parent, NCP or not.



I agree. That is one thing I have always had DS do no matter what, is say hi, and thank him for coming (or anyone else who comes - whether it be my parents, DH's parents, etc).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 9:00am
Exactly, common courtesy is always a good thing. If NCP wants more than that, maybe they should be putting more effort into their own kid hey...?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 9:30am
Dittoing Puss. And? BD sux ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 12:25pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 1:40pm
Yep. I expect good manners, but I wouldn't force anything beyond "hello" and/or "Glad you could make it.".






iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 2:54pm
Thanks everyone. That's where I was leaning as well..just wanted some input.