Phone Calls

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
Phone Calls
8
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 9:03am

NCP has "reasonable phone access" with children.

Traditionally, CP has had the children call around 6:30pm , after dinner, MWF.

Roughly once a month technology glitches or something happens and the phone call doesn't go through.

NCP now wants to have an exact time to call the children at and is nearly demanding the CP make the children available every night at THAT time.

CP has offered to continue the "time range" and if the children are still eating or call is missed, call will be returned soon as children are able.

Debate - Is it reasonable for NCP to select a specific time that the children must always be available by phone?

- Luhverly Mom to DS5 Smom to DSD6 & DSD4 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
In reply to: luhverly
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 9:39am

Specific times are tricky, not everyone can be available at the same time everyday... I know that ALOT of times, my work schedule doesn't even ALLOW me to get off on the same time everyday...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
In reply to: luhverly
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 9:52am
There's half of the million dollar question, define "reasonable access" in legal terms.

CP and NCP have agreed to MWF phone calls. NCP has EOWend and every Thursday night. So, essentially, Tuesday is the only weekday where no phone call or Parenting time occurs, minus CP's Saturday & Sunday's.
- Luhverly Mom to DS5 Smom to DSD6 & DSD4 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
In reply to: luhverly
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 10:07am

i know my ex (i had a stepdaughter when with my ex) had a CO that when the child was with us, that EACH DAY the CP could call and talk to SD for 30 minutes! we didn't even have SD over night at that time.... we had to go out (30 min each way, so every day was 2 hrs on the road) to pick her up @ 10am and drop her off @6pm we only had her for 8hrs a day, and STILL had to have BM call us and interupt our lives for 30 minutes EACH DAY! who knew a 2 yo could hold a 30 minute conversation?! well, any time SD would drop the phone, or give the phone back to daddy, she would hang up and call back and demand to talk to her daughter.... eventually we started getting her over nights, and the 30 minute thing was LESS annoying then, but the fact that her daughter DIDN'T WANT to talk to her mother for 30 minutes EVERYDAY didn't phase BM at all.... she would continue calling EVERYTIME SD would drop the phone... i say this because SD would go into her room and HIDE the phone so she didn't have to talk to BM.... at first we would follow SD around with the phone so we would see where she put it, but we had lives and REFUSED to follow around a 3 yo for 30 minutes, then we tried making her sit down when she talked to her mom, but making a small child sit for 30 minutes seemed cruel to me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
In reply to: luhverly
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 10:44am
I'm not a fan of set times for calls. Too confining for the child(ren) and parents.

That said, I also believe in open access to kids. I don't think once a day is too much. When my kids were young, I'd have them call dad before bed each night. And when they were with him, I'd call each night before bed.

Now that they are older and have their own cell phones, they talk to us completely freely. I might talk to one five times in a day, or maybe none. Long story short - we have open access to our kids.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
In reply to: luhverly
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 11:17am
OKMM, would it change your opinion of the NCP's phone calls were restricted and almost taken away (per the judge) due to emotional abuse/mistreatment during said calls? Would you still promote such "free access"?
- Luhverly Mom to DS5 Smom to DSD6 & DSD4 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
In reply to: luhverly
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 11:27am
No, I would not allow free access in an actual abuse/mistreatment situation. In fact, I would limit contact as much as humanly possible.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
In reply to: luhverly
Thu, 03-08-2012 - 11:36am
Just checking.

I agree in theory about unrestricted phone access.

But not all cases are as fortunate to support that.
- Luhverly Mom to DS5 Smom to DSD6 & DSD4 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: luhverly
Fri, 03-09-2012 - 3:31pm
We do not have a set phone call time and don't think we ever will. Both ExH and I have allowed phone calls everyday, more than once a day or none at all. We usually respect eachother and send a text to have DD call when time permits. Neither of us are trying to interrupt DD from playing or eating to talk to either of us.
I've called before and he tells me DD is busy doing something, so I say okay just have her call when she can.
Needless to say we allow all phone calls are understanding if DD can't talk at the time we call or text.