Physically limited Parent

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2005
Physically limited Parent
167
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:15am

BD and BM are parents to a daughter, age 5. BD has EOW and one night a week and is involved in child's life in other ways as well.

BD had a stroke and is left permanently physically limited and in a wheelchair. Cognitively, BD is fine. SM is willing to step up and care for child's physical needs so that visits can continue. BM says, "No. If BD can't physically care for child she should be with me" and files for full custody.

Thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:20am

That's a tough one. Although a relationship between father and child needs to be encouraged, I would not be happy if it was a steppie caring for my small one on a permanent, albeit every other weekend, basis.

Maybe visitation needs to be modified so there aren't any overnights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:21am
Also, I likely would file for full custody as well to avoid SM having control over the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:41am
I would think the physical aspects a step would help with already, and I think it would be a pretty crappy thing for BM to do. How would BM like it if the shoe was on the other foot. Lots of people hire nanny's to do this stuff so what is the big deal
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:45am

Why should child be cared for by a nanny, when there is a mom available and willing?

I would ensure my child had time with the father, but if dad was physically incapacitated, I would ensure I had legal control.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2009
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:45am

I think the issue is if one parent can not be with the child, who should come next?

A Stepparent is as much a parent as an ex-wife is a wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:49am

I think I would be curious as to what kind of care SM is giving child. If it is bath, etc. I think that could be solved by BD having an one evening and one day visit with child having all her overnights at home.

Maybe BM is not trying to screw BD over, but is trying to limit SM's control over her child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:53am

I'm going to look at this from a hired nanny POV.

If BD said "I'm going to hire a nanny to stay with us during child's visits in order to care for her physical needs", I don't imagine a Judge would have a problem with that.

Moving on, if BD has any person there to care for child's physical needs during his visitation (ie-SM), then I feel strongly that a Judge would ok that.

My main issue would be wondering whether SM is solely taking care of BD AND child during child's visits...that sounds like a lot.

Oh, and I think BM is a bint for using this as a reason to stop visitation. I could see her asking that child go EOW on Sat/Sun from 8 am-9 pm or something like that, to relieve SM of the evening care.

RSM Kitteh....  ...makin ur kidz appointmentz...
RSM Kitteh....  ...makin ur kidz appointmentz...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2009
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:53am

I kinda agree, but I dont even know if control is the right word.

A Stepparent is as much a parent as an ex-wife is a wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:54am

~~I would ensure my child had time with the father, but if dad was physically incapacitated, I would ensure I had legal control.~~

That's ridiculous.

BD's mental faculties are not described as wanting...why is he not able to make legal decisions for his child any longer?

I would never think to take legal custody away from a Mom who has lost her legs or is battling cancer with debilitating chemo treatments.

RSM Kitteh....  ...makin ur kidz appointmentz...
RSM Kitteh....  ...makin ur kidz appointmentz...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:56am

~~If one parent can not be with the child, then it should go the other. ~~

It has in no way been said that Dad cannot "be with the child".

RSM Kitteh....  ...makin ur kidz appointmentz...
RSM Kitteh....  ...makin ur kidz appointmentz...

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