Related to NCP Moms thread...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Related to NCP Moms thread...
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 9:42am


I have found that thread most interesting, and feel I have to write a little (or a lot as the case may be...) on it, but thought I would perhaps start a new one. I think it was zinnipin who mentioned something about education and boarding schools, which got me wondering...

Our sitch is pretty unusual. I guess you could say that at the moment, both parents are NCP:

BM and BD split, BM has primary custody, BD EOW, 1 evening a week and half the holidays. This was the status quo for 5 years or so. No court order.

BM gets made redundant. Starts her own business and says she is moving to a remote part of the country with child. Promises BD pretty much all school holidays, plus regular internet chats and phonecalls. BD can't take legal action as move is within their own country.

BM changes her mind and wants to move to a different country. Promises that contact would be the same as she had promised for move within the country, BD very reluctantly agrees, as BM promises she will be a SAHM, working from home.

BM moves with her child and her own Mother. 8 weeks later, BM returns to home town and leaves child in other country with her Mother. Refuses to return child to this country (knows that BD will prevent child from returning to foreign country). BM insists that child will stay to be educated in foreign country.

This is not what BD agreed to - BM promised she would be a SAHM with child. BM has only seen her child herself for about 4 and a half weeks in the space of nearly a year. It has been 14 months since BD has seen child (due to BM not bringing child back when she said she would, and then refusing contact if BD went there due to current Hague Convention application that is pending).

BM insists that child is happy and continually stresses the importance of child's education there.

I know this is a BM sux post, but I would value any thoughts on this situation.

Is BM right to keep her child in a different country from herself and the BD, solely to give her a better education? BD believes child should be where both parents are, and education is not as important as being raised by your parents. BM herself attend boarding school as a child, so perhaps sees being separated from your parents as not as big a deal as others.

I have posted a few bits and pieces on my sitch before, I gues this is a bit of an update as well asking your thoughts.

FYI, child is nearly 8, and we are in the UK, in principle, the Hague application has gone in BD's favour, just waiting for a court date to be set.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2006
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 9:50am

"Is BM right to keep her child in a different country from herself and the BD, solely to give her a better education?"

I don't think I have enough information to say one way or the other.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 9:56am

Is BM right to keep her child in a different country from herself and the BD, solely to give her a better education?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:12am

This is a BM sux in the truest sense, because nobody is going to say that BM is right to take the child out of the country on a false pretext and against BD's wishes.

There isn't any debate here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:15am
BM is wrong IMO. This should not be happening if both parents are not agreeing to it. I hope he gets her back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:23pm

Is this the Gma in France with the little girl? Have you contacted any of the charities that help locate kidnapped children to see if they have any way of getting her back ASAP.

Maybe something there could help you.