Should kids feel ashamed of liking the stepmom?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Should kids feel ashamed of liking the stepmom?
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 12:17pm

A girl was worried about having a relationship with the stepmom because she didn't want her mom to be upset by it.  This was the advice given to her by two sisters: 

"Be honest with your mom about how you feel about your stepmom. It’s up to your mom to handle that well -- she’s the grown-up," Emily said. Meanwhile, older sister Natalie had this to say: “The best thing is for you to have the relationships you want to have with the people in your life -- your dad, mom, and stepmom -- and let the adults worry about how they feel about it.”

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Do you think the advice they gave is reasonable?  It can be hard for some parents be adult where their own feelings are concerned, and you don't want guilt piled on the shoulders of the child.   How would you feel if you were the BM in this situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Fri, 05-10-2013 - 12:36pm

While it might be reasonable for some circumstances, not for all of them. Not all parents are capable of maintaining distance with their feelings on their ex in front of the kids. While that is the ideal situation, some parents just aren't mature enough, or still are bearing scars from the marriage. I think that you should have the relationship you want with the stepparent, but sometimes it's better to stay quiet about it.