Skids Access To Home

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2009
Skids Access To Home
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 12:37am

I remember one time my DS told me that he wasn't allowed to tell me he had a key to his father's home because his father was convinced I would come in and pilfer through their stuff.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 1:12am

but seeing BM on my security camera feed tonight shaking my locks and pushing buttons on my keypad makes me wonder . . .***

Wow, yikes.

Does anyone hesitate giving their kids/skids keys (or in our case codes)

Real SM's use Jazz Hands
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 7:37am

Kids and parents in our sitch have codes to each other's house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 9:35am

My kids have the passcode.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 9:55am
Kids have unmitigated access to our house. Skids have unmitigated access to BMs house. ODD does not have a key or anything to ex/SMs house but that is because of her age and the distance, she has no need for one because anytime she is there, she's with ex or SM. I don't really worry about BM coming in here when we aren't home, she isn't like that. Dh worries about her coming in when I am home and he's not, but he has a handle on that, addresses it when it happens, and it doesn't really bother me that much because I don't have to worry about or address it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 10:17am

Oh, yes...this stupid issue.

SM is scared to death I'm going to use ODD's key to get into her home to the point I can't (meaning, SM thinks she can actually enforce this when she can't) drop ODD off at their home even with them home. Not even the street. :/ Must meet at a park and if I don't want to do that then they play the "we won't be home" game and I can't drop her off in 110 degree heat.

Yeah. It's stupid. Have no desire to step foot on their property...imbalance of authority there and wouldn't put myself in that position of being accused of "trespassing" or some other power struggle/trip SM likes to go on.

They are free to drop her off at my home or my in-laws. We have nothing to fear even if they made it to the *gasp* front door or we *gasp* let them in.

They take ODD's key from her and actively tell her they fear I will try to come in their home. ODD finds it as ridiculous as I do. No history of entering their home without one of their consent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 10:22am

We have 50/50 and the kids always have access to my house. They sometimes have access to BD's. He will leave a key out for them if he thinks they're going to need it but he rotates where he leaves it so sometimes even if it's out they can't find it. It creates a bit of tension because they can always come and go in my house but not always in his. That leads them to be more likely to leave/keep things at my house because they know they can always get to them. This leads him to feel more protective of the things at his house and become less likely to leave a key for them. And so the cycle feeds itself.

Personally, I think in the case of 50/50 the kids should have access to both homes. They have one life and two homes - any unnecessary separation is counterproductive.

The other point of tension is that BD knows how to access my house because of the kids. We recently had to have a discussion about boundaries when I heard one of the girls downstairs early one morning and went down in my pjs to see why she was up so early. I found her having breakfast with her father in my dining room. This did not play well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2009
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 10:29am

DS lives here, has a key to his home and a right to come here whenever. He does not have those things at BD's... but BD is over an hour away and DS has no way to get there alone anyway.

I would never tell DS he could not come home (even if I wasn't here) to get something. I see no reason BD can't know DS has a key to his home- I imagine he assunmes it.

We, however, live in a situation with no crazy people. If DS needs something and BD brings him to get it, BD would either wait in his car or in our entry way. He would not be pilfering or snooping. Clearly that has an impact on my decisions.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 10:30am

DD and her BD have the garage code for my house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 10:32am

>>>Does anyone hesitate giving their kids/skids keys (or in our case codes) to their home out of some fear (real or otherwise) that the other BP/SP might have unfettered access to their home?<<<

Yep. ODD isn't allowed to have her house key when she's out with CFP.

>>>Is this unnecessarily unfair to the child if they are a teenager who might leave stuff here and there?<<<

Possibly. But I don't care. Be more responsible with your stuff.

>>>Does it matter which home they might not have access to? Is there more of a need for access to the CP home than the NCP's?<<<

Not to me. I'm the CP home, and as stated, ODD isn't allowed to have unfettered access to it when with CFP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2009
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 10:36am
My DD is not allowed to have a key to her Dad's house.
A Stepparent is as much a parent as an ex-wife is a wife.