SKs Calling SP "Mom" or "Dad"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
SKs Calling SP "Mom" or "Dad"
49
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 10:48am

Let's say a kid, on their own or without definite encouragement, starts calling Mom or Dad's new partner "Mom" or "Dad" relatively soon after the relationship commences.

Is this healthy, natural, sweet attachment of a child to a new parent figure? Or is this a troubling indication that the child is inappropriately grasping onto love, affection, security from a parental figure without the natural development of that kind of a relationship?

So instead of looking at the impact on the adults when kids do this, is it always in the kid's best interests to start calling Mom or Dad's partner "Mom" or "Dad" if they're so inclined?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 10:52am
Let's say a kid, on their own or without definite encouragement, starts calling Mom or Dad's new partner "Mom" or "Dad" relatively soon after the relationship commences.



Is this healthy, natural, sweet attachment of a child to a new parent figure?



Not that new in the relationship, no.



Or is this a troubling indication that the child is inappropriately grasping onto love, affection, security from a parental figure without the natural development of that kind of a relationship?



This would be my guess.





So instead of looking at the impact on the adults when kids do this, is it always in the kid's best interests to start calling Mom or Dad's partner "Mom" or "Dad" if they're so inclined?



No, I don't think it's always in the best interests of the kids. I think calling a new gf/bf of the parent "mom" or "dad" when they first start dating is odd, and I wouldn't allow my son to do it - even if his dad were completely out of the picture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 10:53am
I think the child needs to corrected just like any other area of their life when they are incorrect. I think the only time it becomes appropriate is either a.) all parents are okay with it and b.) child is an adult and has that kind of relationship with a stepparent, relative or mature adult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:01am

<<< I think the child needs to corrected just like any other area of their life when they are incorrect. I think the only time it becomes appropriate is either a.) all parents are okay with it and b.) child is an adult and has that kind of relationship with a stepparent, relative or mature adult.
>>>>

oh. look a perfect ditto.

I can't help adding this: I think most of the drama around kids calling steps "Mom/Dad" is caused by and continued by the grown ups.

brc

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:09am

My DSD's have called me 'Mom' since ages 3 and 6...I no longer feel the need to validate it...if you have a problem with it...you can suck it.



I say that with all the Southern niceness in the world, btw.



;)

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RSM Kitteh....  ...makin ur kidz appointmentz...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:10am

I think the child needs to corrected just like any other area of their life when they are incorrect. I think the only time it becomes appropriate is either a.) all parents are okay with it and b.) child is an adult and has that kind of relationship with a stepparent, relative or mature adult.



About 4 months ago, DSS started calling me "Mom" out of the clear blue. He's always had his own(and SD) nickname for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:13am

<<>>

LMAO. Bless your little heart. :)

Or in Yankee talk: Bring it Sister. :D

brc

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:15am

LMAO. Bless your little heart. :)



Or in Yankee talk: Bring it Sister. :D



ROFL....thanks for the translation...you know I don't speak Yankee (or, as we

RSM Kitteh....  ...makin ur kidz appointmentz...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2009
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:30am

Or is this a troubling indication that the child is inappropriately grasping onto love, affection, security from a parental figure without the natural development of that kind of a relationship?



This absolutely!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2006
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:38am

When I first moved in with DH, DSS was calling me mom. It took a while but we realized that it had little to nothing to do with me and more that to him some words go together... like "peanut butter and jelly". He'd walk into a room and say, "mom and dad". He also (still sometimes) runs my DD's name together. He'll say "Jane and Jill" (hypothetically) when he's really only talking to or about 1 of them.



We/I worked with him for a long while to get him to call me by my first name.



In his case I don't think it had anything to do with looking for love or acceptance. I also think it was important to correct him calling me mom because he needs to understand the basics of family relationships. He has a mom.



funny pictures of cats with captions
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:24pm

I dont think I am wrong for not correcting

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