SM attending School Functions

Avatar for sunflowergirl2
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
SM attending School Functions
37
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 6:21pm

Do you feel the stepmom should attend school functions, this includes back to school nights and parent teacher confrences?

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Avatar for sunflowergirl2
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 6:32pm

I have attended Meet The Teacher Nights w/ my DH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 6:34pm

Hey Sunflower -

I am a SM, and I wanted to respond to this question (hope you don't mind). I personally do not attend Parent/Teacher conferences or meetings of that sort. It's not my place to go. I am not the parent, nor is my SO the CP. I see no need whatsoever for me to go. My SO will usually give me the info later, and what (if any) changes are to be make with school work or anything of that nature.

However, I have gone to promotion ceremonies, performances, science fairs, open house, etc at the school. I also attend most of my SS's group sporting functions. This I don't see an issue with, as it's more of a support role as opposed to a parenting role.

Is that overstepping bounds from a BM perspective?

Nicole

Avatar for sunflowergirl2
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 6:40pm

Welcome Nicole.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 6:57pm

I am the Stay-at-home-(Step)Mom and my DH has full custody. I am the primary caretaker. That being said, I have been to each and every event, meeting, evaluation, luncheon, and I even went on a field trip to help out when parents were invited to attend/help out. I also put in my time at the fall festival working the booth. DH has attended one class party for DSD that was for Halloween. He would go to more, but he can't get out of work.
BM went to two school functions last year when DSD was in kindergarten. I had called BM and told her the info and 'invited' her to come. Yes, she definitely has the RIGHT to be there (and I want her there-it makes SD soooo happy and gives me someone to hangout with!), I just say I invited her because I verbally 'extended an invitation' for her to come to lunch and the school play.

Alot of people, BMs and SMs alike, have critisized my level of involvement, but it is what works in our mutual family.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 7:24pm

"Alot of people, BMs and SMs alike, have critisized my level of involvement, but it is what works in our mutual family."

I applaud you for your level of involvement and doing what works for your family.

I am Stacey, SM to three children.

I do not attend parent/teacher conferences or anything like that. I do, however, attend recitals, plays, etc.

I guess my bottom line is that whatever DH asked me to attend, then I would do so. Or if one of my sk's requested my presence, then too I would attend.


Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 7:44pm

"I guess my bottom line is that whatever DH asked me to attend, then I would do so. Or if one of my sk's requested my presence, then too I would attend."

That's my standard - If DH or the skids ask me to go, I'll go. For a long time I only went with DH, but he's asked me to go in his place when I cannot. This fall BM even asked me to come to one for OSD for a math problem (I'm much better at math than she is - and this is a new & surprising development).

As for recitals, games, etc., I go to everything that I can. Once BM called asking if I could go to YSD's game. Her SF was taking her, but BM couldn't go & said that YSD would be upset if one of us (as in BM or me) weren't there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 7:58pm

When ex lived in the same state as us, he rarely attended anything. Things like concerts, games, even back-to-school (because there little personal contact at those) I wouldn't mind SM being there. But conferences - our relationship is not good, and I would have requested that ex and SM have a conference separate from mine. However, they never bothered.

I think the more support a child has at a game, concert, whatever - the better it is for them. I would invite my parents, sisters, and anyone else who wanted to go, just so DS could see some familiar faces in the audience. Plus - there is no reason for me to have to speak to ex at these - there is enough room to ignore him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 8:01pm

When SM wanted to attend meetings at school, she was welcome. She only did twice. Once was a parent teacher conference. She just sat there. It was early on. I think she only came so she could report back how awful his private school was which she did. The people most uncomfortable at that meeting was the teacher and director of the school who attended parent teacher conferences.

The other time was the last 504 Plan meeting that we had for my ds at the public high school he was attending. She and x attended. However, there were about 15 school staff members there. (They *may* have done this since we had already won compensatory services for my dd in the form of college tution, travel expenses to and from school, and therapy through a complaint to the state PLUS we set case law for the state in that complaint. LOL) Anyway, the whole meeting was a joke. It was myself and the director of special ed who ended up doing 98% of the talking. The plan was exactly what I wanted bar one thing. X wanted ds in regular English class. I didn't. However, I did not argue since I was getting everything else I wanted and knew that it would be easy to change when he wasn't successful. That took about two weeks to happen.






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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 8:31pm

Hi everyone!


My answers as a bio mom:


My ex and I co-parent well and we have 50/50 custody, and we are the only two needed at parent teacher conferences.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 8:33pm

" But conferences - our relationship is not good, and I would have requested that ex and SM have a conference separate from mine. However, they never bothered."

Was it the SM or ex? Would you have done one with just ex? If so, then as a SM I would've bowed out so that someone from each house could hear the same thing.

I encourage DH to go & I go in his place when I can because then the teacher doesn't have to schedule another conference. Also, I find it really helpful for everyone to hear the same thing.

Example, BM asked me to go to one recently & we both (and OSD) heard the teacher's recommendations. BM now knows that I know what needs to be done on the w/e she is with me. She knows that I'll ride OSD's tush to get the work done.




Edited 12/5/2006 8:36 pm ET by fayncstep

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