Is SM being unreasonable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Is SM being unreasonable?
471
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 11:16pm

BM and SM hate each other while BM and DH have been trying to put aside their differences and work together in the best interests of their son. SM is for the most part detached and not involved in any of the decision making involving the stepchild. However with BM and BD's coziness they have been talking about doing a big party for their son's 10th birthday and BD has suggested that his two youngest children with SM would be at an age where they could enjoy such an event.

No discussion has been made on whether SM would be invited but either way she would not be going and has stated that her children cannot attend either. BD will not force the issue with SM but do you think SM is being unreasonable for refusing to allow her children to attend?

Lee

Lee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2009
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 11:18pm
Yes. I would hope that their father will tell her to stop being ridiculous and take his children to their sib's party.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 11:34pm

No discussion has been made on whether SM would be invited


This

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 11:41pm

>>"...do you think SM is being unreasonable for refusing to allow her children to attend?">>


>>>>>



eh, maybe, likley some will say so....but i don't think so....or at least i should say i'd probably handle it like SM....though i've been known to cut off my nose to spite my face and things along that line....and often i come to regret acting out in such ways

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 12:10am
There is no reason for BM and BD to plan a joint party...I as SM would have a problem with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 12:33am

<<>>

I'd not only not be going, but my kids would not be going, and I'd be telling my DH that hosting a party with someone who hates me (even if she's the mother of his child) is getting him a black mark in my books.

I'd be upset with the whole deal, tbh. IMO, shared parties are for when everyone gets along. When they don't, the kid gets two parties.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 12:49am

I'd worry less about who among the adults is wrong and more about, "Is this going to put a stumbling block amongst the kids?"

I mean, what do you want the skid to answer when the preshii ask, "How come you didn't invite us to your birthday party?"

************

Kitty

"I suppose it is unfortunate that "I counting isn't me strong suite" any more than "you grammar and spelling is you strong suite". We'll all just have to struggle through, huh?"--From the Immortal Wisdom of Xyro

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Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 2:38am

Yes. It's ludicrous to forbid younger children from attending older child's birthday, and if I tried to pull something like that my SO would kick my ass (note to Honey: not literally).

They're HIS kids too.

ETA: Although, it is weird that BD is arranging this with apparently no thought to SM. But IMO that's a marital issue, and nothing to do with the kids.




Edited 8/22/2010 2:48 am ET by englishrose1979
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 6:38am

I agree with the part about him hosting a party with the woman that hates me. THAT is a slap in the face, IMO. However, the two younger children are his and he should be able to take them to the party if he wants to.

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&nb
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 6:40am
If this is Lee's sitch, that may not be an issue. IIRC, the two younger children do not know the older one.

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&nb
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 6:57am

Well, as I said, that's where the issue should be dealt. Are the kids at an age to know they're missing out? if so, is keeping them from going bound to lead to a situation where the skid has to answer why they didn't get to go to skid's party?

In Lee's situation, I wouldn't want my kids to go. But in Lee's situation, my kids wouldn't be feeling left out and the skid wouldn't be placed in a position where either he's the bad guy (and let his siblings think he didn't invite them) or he has to out their Mom as being the heavy (he did invite them and she wouldn't let them go).

************

Kitty

"I suppose it is unfortunate that "I counting isn't me strong suite" any more than "you grammar and spelling is you strong suite". We'll all just have to struggle through, huh?"--From the Immortal Wisdom of Xyro

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

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