"SM thinks you are worthless"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2010
"SM thinks you are worthless"
41
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 12:12am

Background:
When SM and BD married 8 years ago they were in agreement that education is extremely important for kids. BM struggled in school and is much more "lax" (for lack of a better word) about the importance of education. SS has struggled in school not due to a learning disability (he has been tested and was found to have a high IQ and no disabilities). He often is just lazy about schoolwork and has what appears to be an "I don't care" attitude. Custody is 50/50 legal/physical.

Over the years BD has changed his belief that education is important to more closely mirror BM's more lax stance. SS failed more than one class last year and is well on his way to failing several more so far this year, he is in junior high school. SM still believes in the importance of education and is closely involved in her kids schooling and education. SM believes BD and BM are failing their kid with their lax stance but only gives her opinion about this to her DH, not the kid or BM, although the kid has been around for some talks about education between SM and her kid. SS Is aware of SM's stance on the importance of education.

So the other night BD is angry with SM and in the midst of his craziness says to his kid "SM thinks you are worthless and will never amount to anything!"

BM's--
What would you do/say/think if your kid came home and told you that BD said this to them?

SM's--
What would you do/say/think if your DH said this to his kid?

Yes we have some marital issues but this shocked me and really I am not sure if my relationship with DH or SS can survive this. Do you think you would be able to salvage a relationship with your SK after a statement like that?

And no the statement is not true. I don't think any kid is worthless.

Bella
Bella

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 12:18am



I would think my ex had lost his mind.



< Do you think you would be able to salvage a relationship with your SK after a statement like that?>



I think it's always more than a single statement or argument that sinks a relationship.



Meez 3D avatar avatars games

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 12:24am

<<What would you do/say/think if your DH said this to his kid?>>>

I'd be furious, and I'd demand a retraction of the statement, and that he apologizes to both myself and his DS. It sounds like DH has a lot of growing up to do himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 12:28am

Yes we have some marital issues but this shocked me and really I am not sure if my relationship with DH or SS can survive this.



Really?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2010
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 12:49am

Really?

Bella
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 12:54am

<<>>

I don't think that this is minor at all. He totally threw SM under the bus in a fit of pique, and possibly caused a great deal of harm to her relationship with the skid. She has to live with skid, at least part of the time. It won't be much fun living with a teen who thinks that you think that he's worthless. Teens are bundles of misery on the best days, just see what fun he'll be when he's got a hate on for the SM.

I'd be wondering if I wanted to stay married (or not) also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 4:35am

I would *hope* that the SM immediately responded with, "That is NOT true! Why would you say such a horrible thing to your own child?!"

And then I'd be looking for a new place for either me and my kids or BD and his because either way, he's going to have to do a LOT of fence mending before he was permitted to continue living with me.

If my child under the age of, say 13, told me about this scenario, I would ask the child what SM said in response and, in addition to assuring the kid that it's highly doubtful that SM ever said or felt such a thing, that Dad was angry and stupid and spoke out of misplaced rage. And that it was unfair to the child to be put in the middle that way. If my kid was over 13, I would likely say more and speak more plainly about the complexities of a marriage in trouble.

And then I'd be on a call to BD to tell him that whether SM had ever said such a thing or not, if he EVER repeated such a horrible statement to our child I would be taking immediate steps to remove BD from any kind of custody until his home environment was less toxc.

************

Kitty



"Jackie Kennedy would not have camel toe"--Tim Gunn

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 6:01am

I think BD felt like saying this to his son, himself, but didn't have the

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 7:44am
>>>Really?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 8:47am

son, himself, but didn't have the

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 9:16am
I guess BD sux and in the future SM should keep her opinions regarding SS to herself.

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