So whatever about the boards, chit hit the fan this weekend

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
So whatever about the boards, chit hit the fan this weekend
34
Tue, 10-05-2010 - 11:02pm

As much as I have a list of complaints about the board, I've really been waiting for them to come up so I could talk to you guys!

"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008

>>are your exchanges with the ex personal or impersonal?

Meez 3D avatar avatars games


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006

I wish I had some ideas.  Our exchanges resembled kind of what happens between North and South Korea (I was South Korea).  It seems like the new baby might be the biggest adjustment.  Your daughter has a deep and wide support system, and I know she'll be okay and you'll handle it well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
We usually talk for a minute or two, not 15 minutes but anything that needs discussing we discuss. Like such and such happened, here's the thing she needs, oh by the way whatever.

Still ODD feels too impersonal. She doesn't know what would make it better either. I think she isn't handling the transitions well period, and this jumps out at her has part of the problem I guess, but not sure how it's the problem?
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2009

are your exchanges with the ex personal or impersonal?  How do you think this affects the kids?

We do drop offs in the drive way.  No face time what. so. ever.  This keeps arguments and drama non-existent in front of my kids which is my main priority.

Same for DH and BM.

Even though I'm sure this is not ideal, it's much better than the alternative.

Hugs for you DD. 

Meez 3D avatar avatars games


The Honey disclaimer>>

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2006

You are way ahead of the game because you don't despise your ex.

Can you suck it up and just be a little more chatty when you do the exchange? Would it be possible to include her in a few minutes of blah, blah, blah so that she feels more supported during the transition?

I would rather chew glass than speak with my ex but I really, really try to act friendly when we hand off the kidlet. Ex is a loon so he doesn't see the benefit of making it easier on YDS but I do what I can.

Maybe your DD will be easily appeased and you can just linger a little longer. Will she tell you what would make it more comfortable for her?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
I don't believe that if you stayed for an hour and shared tea that ODD would feel better about things... KWIM? I truly believe that she is feeling unease about the changes at her dads and is trying to find level footing.

Maybe during the next exchange you and BD could include her in the discussion and she wouldn't feel that it is impersonal??

Meez 3D avatar avatars games


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thanks. She says she doesn't know what would make her feel less like a piece of mail :(
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
I hate, hate, hate that we can't see who these messages are intended for.... grrrrrrr...... rant over..... grrrrrrr.........

>:(

Meez 3D avatar avatars games


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Yes, that's a good one. Maybe us both talking to her will make her feel included in the process. Thank you.
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009

Quote:
We do drop offs in the drive way.  No face time what. so. ever.  This keeps arguments and drama non-existent in front of my kids which is my main priority.

This is what dh used to do with BM but I think he goes up to the door with Gma.

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