SS manipulation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2012
SS manipulation?
54
Sat, 03-24-2012 - 6:47pm

I know this isn't a support board, but I know that you ladies won't hold back... so give it to me... What do you think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 3:22pm
I think you should send the child to the home where he's actually wanted. How sad for the child. I think I'd be a brat too.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 5:48pm

BM is pitching him against you and this NEEDS to be taken care of, what does DH do about his behavior?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 8:19pm
Have you asked him straight up when he's acting out what's going on?

I tend to think children who act like that are hurting. And given the conflict with BM and DH and BM being out then back again, I'd bet BM has said things which make SS feel like he CAN'T love/like you without betraying his mother.
- Luhverly Mom to DS5 Smom to DSD6 & DSD4 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 1:30pm
How is your DH handling his behavior? He shouldn't be allowed to treat you in this manner, although I do agree with luhverly that he's probably acting out. Have you thought about taking him to a counselor? He might need someone to talk to, he could have a lot of anger he doesn't know how to deal with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2012
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 11:41pm

I can understand that you are probably anti-SM because I am sure you have a horrible SM, but please refrain from comments that aren't true.

I said that at this point I'd like him gone to see that it's not always greener. I NEVER said that DH wanted him gone. DH doesn't want him gone. And I told DH the other day that it would be wrong for me to make him chose between SS and me. I understand that, and I would never do that. But in the end, I'm the one "suffering" because I am unhappy.

After thinking about it, it's not so much that I want him gone, it's that I just want him to be respectful. I want him to realize that he doesn't have to chose one or the other (his mom or I)... it can be both. But thanks for your input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2012
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 11:44pm

When DH sees what SS does or acts towards me, he corrects him and highlights that he is to not treat others like that. But a lot of the times he treats me poorly when DH is not around (when he is at work). When I tell DH about it, all he does is talk to him. But honestly, I don't think that SS really respects DH either. He may act as if he is listening to DH but I don't think he is. Or he is, but really doesn't care what he says. The only difference is, SS doesn't talk back to DH or treat him badly to his face... but honestly, I don't think SS has any respect for DH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2012
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 11:45pm

I have asked him before... and he always says "I don't know".... or nothing. When someone doesn't talk when you are asking questions, there's not much you can do.

I definitely think he is hurting and feels like if he loves/likes me then he's not being loyal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2012
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 11:47pm

SS went to a therapist for 1 1/2 years. He wasn't getting anywhere and his behavior was slowly getting worse. BM was always informed of the appointments but would never show. SS told us repeatedly that therapy is useless. We even switched therapists with no success. Now he doesn't have any insurance (I am waiting on an application to be approved for his insurance)... but as soon as he has it again, we'll try again with individual therapy along with family therapy. As for now, I could just scream and cry at the same time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 12:59pm

>>>I can understand that you are probably anti-SM because I am sure you have a horrible SM<<<

Ummm...you're way off the mark.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2012
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 4:34pm

Okay, my mistake. There are a lot of moms on here (or were on here) with horrible SM's and because of that their judgement (IMO) was clouded.

I'm glad you had a good SM...

I understand that of all this. But I have loved him. I had tried to not take it personally, but after two or so years of this crap, it gets hard to think that because of his mother coming back, things have changed and he doesn't seem to care at all about it.

Maybe I am obvious, I try not to be. For example, he asks me something I tell him to ask his dad. I don't say much to him because whatever I say, I'm the bad guy. Whatever I do I'm the bad guy.... I'm done with it. I don't want him around because of that. I don't want him around because of how he treats me. But like I said before, I would never ask DH to chose between me and our baby and SS. It wouldn't be right... and all I can think is that at this age he's acting like this, it's going to get a hell of a lot worse when he gets older.

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