Step dealing with Bio

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Step dealing with Bio
3
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 7:01pm

the Father and I have been dating for almost 3 years.  He has a child that is turning 4 this November.  (So I have been in this childs life as much as his Father has since he was 1 years old).

The boys memory of his Father has always been with me, and I am certainly a step mother figure.  The mother, is CRAZY.  They were dating for 3 months before she got pregnant, and decided to follow through with the pregnancy... not a surprise it didn't work out ----- they are completely different people that barely knew each other.  however, this is certainly a woman who is extremely insecure.  She has been living with her parents (she is 37) for 2.5 years now and refuses to get a job.

 

The problems now are, her not allowing the child to spend more time with us.  We have an agreement that is filed through the courts that was agreed upon in mediation however, she STILL refuses to recognize me as an important figure in this childs life.  The Father and I are certainly together for the long haul and crazy for each other.  She is really damaging the little boys brain by telling him negative things about the father and myself...

 

How do we get more time with the child? would the courts ever recognize me as an important figure in the childs life --- especially since I have been in his life as a motherly figure since he was 1 years old? when will she realize that it is in the childs best interest to accept me?  It hurts us so much that she is hurting the boy....   help help help

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 5:22pm
Until you are legally married, in the court's eyes (and probably the birth moms), you have no legal claim for more visitation just because of the years you've been together. Honestly, you really have no control over what she says or does, all you can do is provide support to his son. Kids are pretty smart, and he'll know by how you treat him that you love him. If she's not following through with the current agreement, than your boyfriend needs to take her back to court to see that it's enforced. You should also be documenting everything because it might come in use someday if things continue to deteriorate.

As far as her realizing that it's better for her son to be respectful of his dad and his girlfriend, while it's something that needs to happen, far too often it doesn't. It's such a shame because all you are doing is causing more pain instead of being a good parent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 1:19pm
Why can't people just put their kids first instead of poisoning them against their biological parent? It's one thing if it's truly deserved (like abuse) but another when they just can't handle it. What types of stuff is she telling him?

You get more time with the child by petitioning the courts for it, as long as she's following the court mandated arrangement than she doesn't have to do more than that. I can't see them taking your involvement into account, you aren't legally a part of his life, and I honestly support that concept. I realize that you've been together for 3 years, and I'm sure you play an important role in his life, but from my standpoint, I wouldn't just want any girlfriend of my ex husband to play a role in our custody arrangement. Have you talked about getting married?

Chelsea

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 1:21pm
I see what you are saying about kids being smart, but sometimes the damage is done. He's so young, it's got to be so confusing to him. Too bad that courts won't take toxic parenting into consideration when determining custody.

Chelsea

"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."