Stepmom was the Other Woman

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Stepmom was the Other Woman
10
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 2:38pm

While my divorce was pretty amicable, my friends was not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 3:17pm

Wondering....how long have they been apart? i.e. when did he leave?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 3:53pm
She found out about the affair when he asked for a divorce. They've been apart for over 1.5 years. She was pretty clueless that he had found someone else, and was totally caught off guard when he told her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 7:48pm

Obviously, an affair is totally disrespectful to a partner in a marriage even if the marriage was dead already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 7:54pm

Tacking on one more thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 11:02pm
At some point, Mom is going to have to let go. Not for her, but for the kids. That doesn't mean she has to cater to her ex or his new honey. I'd leave him under the impression that I didn't give a darn about him or his play-toy, but there would be no need for any interactions, with either of them.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 10:06am

i can sympathise with your friends pain, and she can ask for the SM not to show for things, but honestly, she can't DEMAND it,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2011
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 1:10pm
Thanks for all the suggestions, I like the idea of not letting them get to you, still show up looking with a smile on your face. Hopefully I can do the same when I see them both, still mad myself at the way she was treated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 3:48pm

Seems to me 1.5 years and a wedding later and I'd be thinking it's time to stop asking SM to stay away and start learning how to deal being in the same building.

- Luhverly Mom to DS5 Smom to DSD6 & DSD4 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2012
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 10:46am

That kind of betrayal is not an overnight heal. It will take her time and it is reasonable to ask that the new wife not be involved until she is able to work through it. That isn't necessarily a punishment but it is much harder to work through having it shoved down your throat. Space is needed for the benefit of everyone involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 11:41am

IMO 1.5 years is not that long - BM will still be very raw I think. I understand that she will not want SM at events, but the truth is, as others said, there is nothing she can really do. She can request, but BD may not comply.

She definitely needs to ignore SM. Don't cause a scene, esp not in front of the child. I understand that you're mad too, and I would obviously be supportive of