On the subject of halfs and steps

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
On the subject of halfs and steps
55
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 2:42pm

Do you have experience where they children made a clear distinction between their

Lee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2006
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 2:58pm
"Do you have experience where they children made a clear distinction between their


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 2:58pm

<<>>

Yes. My stepdaughters (teens) call my son their Stepbrother. My son (6) calls them sisters.

<<>>

Nope. I think age is the determining factor in their decisions.

<<>>

No. When I am talking about my SDs to my son, I refer to them as step sisters or by name. They ARE step sisters. Just like I refer to my husband as Stepdad and introduce myself as Stepmom. It is simply the appropriate title.

brc

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 2:59pm
Do you have experience where they children made a clear distinction between their half or step siblings?



Never ever - Not between my bio-kids and their step brother (their SMs child - and they are all in their late 20's now and still very close) nor with their half sister. Also not between my skids and their half sister. They are brothers and sisters and are very close.



Do you think parental influence is the determining factor either way? i.e. isn't it the parents who determine whether the children see each other as half or step?



absolutely - BM tries very, very hard to keep her children from having a close relationship with their half-sister. She has failed miserably, however, if BM is around and the skids KNOW that she is around, they move away from their little sister so BM can't see that they like her. The rest of the time they adore her and show it very openly.



Do you think it is wrong to make the distinction to your children?



yes

Why or why not?



Because they deserve the chance to have the best relationships possible with each other. If, as they grow and learn they decide on their own to make a distinction they can do that. It is not my place to plant the seeds of the wedge.




Edited 9/24/2010 3:01 pm ET by m4s2
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2009
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:03pm


Do you have experience where they children made a clear distinction between their

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:06pm

I personally have:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2006
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:06pm

"No. When I am talking about my SDs to my son, I refer to them as step sisters or by name. They ARE step sisters. Just like I refer to my husband as Stepdad and introduce myself as Stepmom. It is simply the appropriate title."



That's a good point.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:30pm

>>>>



I wouldn't say wrong, necessarily, but I thought it was important to allow my kids to define their own relationships.

Lee

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:34pm


Do you have experience where they children made a clear distinction between their

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:35pm

When I was a kid, I was never referred to as the half-sister.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:44pm

SD only has half brothers, but she understands the difference between half and whole sib.

I don't think it's the only factor, but it's a big one. Another big one is likely to be age - steps raised together from a young age are more likely to think of each other as sibs than steps brought together as teenagers. And of course CP/NCP.

I think it's wrong if the implication is that a half or step sib is necessarily less important to the child than a full sib.

But if it's just information sharing like explaining why water runs downhill, that's fine.

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