Taking the skids out of state

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2010
Taking the skids out of state
36
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:30am

Debate questions:
SM's- If there is no court order stating that either parent must notify the OP of out-of-state travel during their period of custody, do you and your SO feel obligated to inform the the other parent of your vacation plans with the children during your period of custody?

BM's- Would you contact your ex's parents if you couldn't reach your ex, during a non-emergency situation?

Backstory:
DH got a new phone, and didn't fully charge it. We're going camping this weekend, just over the border into Oklahoma. (We're in Texas) We have evening possession of SD's on Thursday nights, from the time they get off school, till 8pm. Last night, after dropping off SD's with BM's LIBF, DH went to the grocery store for a last-minute supply run, since we leave today. He had his phone with him, but it died. Shortly after he left, I got a very concerned phone call from DH's dad, saying that BM had called him, freaking out about DH taking the kids across state lines without her permission. Right after I hung up with him, I got this email:

"-you need to discuss with me before you take the girls across state lines. I need to know who you are going be with, why, how long you will be gone, and what you will be doing why you are gone before I will consent to you crossing state lines with them. Not answering the phone is a childish response and I have no problem finding you guys at and following your every move to ensure my daughters safety. You are not good at camping and have very little knowledge of how to handle yourself in intense wilderness situations and unless you relieve my fears that you are with someone who can handle the situation or take care of my children then I will have no choice but to travel to and protect them myself."

CC'd to both his work email, home email, and my email.

Nowhere in their divorce decree does it state that the other parent must be consulted before taking the children across state lines. It speaks to moving out of state, and changing residences, but not to vacations. There's no restraining orders on DH, nothing at ALL that would suggest that she has any right to have any input on where we go and what we do with the skids on our time.

Also, the place where we're camping is hardly an intense wilderness. It's a park. There are showers and laundry facilities. You can drive into the campsites. Hardly roughing it.

DH comes home and plugs his phone in. BM had called once, and sent a text. I'm not sure why she felt she needed to call my FIL.

Thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:42am

DH's CO states nothing about out of state. Long ago BM hung a fit over out of state (even though she was informed but not asked) and said you need to let me know before you plan these thigns, (this after her SO's ex wife had a fit that he was taking his son out of state and BM even complained to me that she was being ridiculous). Dh simply told her, he's not obligated and he did inform her beforehand as a courtesy. He told her then she needs to do the same if he expects it from him (which she never had).

We agreed to send itineraries if flying and just letting one another know in advance when we travel anywhere really. BM cannot prevent me from even taking skids out of state, although she doesn't have an issue with it and I always inform her.

BM wouldn't contact DH's parents because they wouldn't know squat. I think this BM in your case is being petty and controlling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2009
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:49am
I think she might have over-reacted, but I think dad going camping without cell phone charged was pretty stupid.
A Stepparent is as much a parent as an ex-wife is a wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:49am

SM's- If there is no court order stating that either parent must notify the OP of out-of-state travel during their period of custody, do you and your SO feel obligated to inform the the other parent of your vacation plans with the children during your period of custody?



No.



BM's- Would you contact your ex's parents if you couldn't reach your ex, during a non-emergency situation?



No. I only would if it were an emergency.



Backstory:
DH got a new phone, and didn't fully charge it. We're going camping this weekend, just over the border into Oklahoma. (We're in Texas) We have evening possession of SD's on Thursday nights, from the time they get off school, till 8pm. Last night, after dropping off SD's with BM's LIBF, DH went to the grocery store for a last-minute supply run, since we leave today. He had his phone with him, but it died. Shortly after he left, I got a very concerned phone call from DH's dad, saying that BM had called him, freaking out about DH taking the kids across state lines without her permission. Right after I hung up with him, I got this email:



"-you need to discuss with me before you take the girls across state lines. I need to know who you are going be with, why, how long you will be gone, and what you will be doing why you are gone before I will consent to you crossing state lines with them. Not answering the phone is a childish response and I have no problem finding you guys at and following your every move to ensure my daughters safety. You are not good at camping and have very little knowledge of how to handle yourself in intense wilderness situations and unless you relieve my fears that you are with someone who can handle the situation or take care of my children then I will have no choice but to travel to and protect them myself."



LOL. Um yeah, "why"? Is none of her business. And unless your husband is CO'd to tell her you're going camping over the state border, he doesn't. And he certainly doesn't need to tell her WHY you're doing anything. She sounds like a huge control freak.



CC'd to both his work email, home email, and my email.



Nowhere in their divorce decree does it state that the other parent must be consulted before taking the children across state lines. It speaks to moving out of state, and changing residences, but not to vacations. There's no restraining orders on DH, nothing at ALL that would suggest that she has any right to have any input on where we go and what we do with the skids on our time.



Also, the place where we're camping is hardly an intense wilderness. It's a park. There are showers and laundry facilities. You can drive into the campsites. Hardly roughing it.



DH comes home and plugs his phone in. BM had called once, and sent a text. I'm not sure why she felt she needed to call my FIL.



Thoughts?



I'd either a) kindly remind her he is not obligated to tell her the details of everything you do while the children are in his care, nor does she, and leave it simple and to the point, or b) ignore her, which would be my choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:50am
I do think that a parent should notify the other parent of vacation plans, even if there is no CO, just out of common courtesy. However,
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:50am
And what happens when you are not in range and go camping. We do it all the time. Sorry you won't be able to reach us for x days. Too bad so sad. There was a time when cells weren't anything any of us had.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:55am
going camping without cell phone charged was pretty stupid.





Nah, he just went to the grocery store. We leave today for camping. And we're packing the chargers, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:55am


Debate questions:
SM's- If there is no court order stating that either parent must notify the OP of out-of-state travel during their period of custody, do you and your SO feel obligated to inform the the other parent of your vacation plans with the children during your period of custody?



Obligated? No.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:57am

And what happens when you are not in range and go camping. We do it all the time. Sorry you won't be able to reach us for x days. Too bad so sad. There was a time when cells weren't anything any of us had.



This.



We're going camping tonight. 45 minutes away. Near my parents' country house. We get awful reception out there. It's pointless to tell BD. It's one night, and really none of his business.



Long trips I would tell out of common courtesy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 11:58am
And what happens when you are not in range and go camping. We do it all the time. Sorry you won't be able to reach us for x days. Too bad so sad. There was a time when cells weren't anything any of us had.





This is part of the BEST things about camping. Little cell service means more time to go do things without the tether. :D Makes me happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 12:00pm
Long trips I would tell out of common courtesy.





I feel ya on the "None of your business" thing. We're driving up today, coming back Sunday afternoon. Doesn't cut into BM's custody time, we'll have 'em dropped off at 8 as per the norm. But I'm not sure if it qualifies as a long trip.

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