To Tell or Not To Tell
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|Thu, 09-30-2010 - 5:28am|
This is a co-worker's sitch.
BM and BD split years ago. BD has EOW & holidays. There are 2 children of the marriage DS11 and DD9. SM and BD have DS4. BD is a devoted father who has an excellent relationship with his children.
BD has an alcohol problem. He's not a violent drunk, he's a depressed drunk. Almost nobody is aware of the problem because he's not stumbling, falling down or belligerent, he has just developed an addiction and gets shaky if he doesn't drink every day. The only people who really know are BD and SM. I know them both and had no clue until SM told me. Even then I had a hard time believing it but I guess she would know. He's tried to stop on his own several times but has failed to stay sober for more than a couple of weeks at a time. He has decided to enter an alcohol treatment facility for a month.
BD and SM are adamant that BM cannot be made aware of the situation since she would use it against him. BD and BM have fought over the children from day 1. BM frequently refuses access at the last minute over trivial things. They have a CO but BM has violated it several times. In recent weeks she's refused because of an infected fingernail and another time for the funeral of a mother of BM's co-worker, a person the children never even met. BD has taken her to court for breach of the orders in the past but the process is expensive and takes months. The judge slaps BMs hand and the cycle starts again. BM tried to stop father from seeing children altogether earlier this year because she found out he was taking high blood pressure medication and on reduced work week for high blood pressure. She argued that if he couldn't work then he couldn't properly care for the children. BD took her to court and he won. Access was reinstated.
BD and SM plan to keep it secret from By by making an excuse to BM for one of the weekends he will miss access and for SM to pick up the children as normal (she has a good relationship with the children)the other weekend so they can spend time with half-sibling and see dad for a full day when he gets a pass out of the facility.
If BD believes there is any risk that BM would find out he will not enter the treatment facility. He knows he needs help but he is not willing to risk losing his children to get it.
Debate: Should BM be told about the alcoholism and that BD is entering a treatment facility?
Edited 9/30/2010 5:49 am ET by belintu