the "title"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
the "title"
75
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 5:31am
deleted




Edited 9/21/2010 7:49 am ET by jcountrygirl

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 5:48am

How old is he? My response would be different depending on his age. I assume he's very young.

I think all of you are making mistakes.

You should not encourage him to call you mom. You are not his mom. Why not 'mommy_jcountrygirl' instead?

As for BM telling him she doesn't want to hear about you & BD, there's nothing you can do about that. We've just gone through this with a family counselor. The bottom line, according to the advice we got, was that it's sad when it happens like that but the kids will adjust. They will just learn to filter their responses and keep parts of their lives secret from each parent. They'll survive and it probably won't have a severe detrimental affect on them. It's too bad it has to be that way but it's not the end of the world.

Unless you have very good reason to suspect that he's being abused then you shouldn't put too much into his claims of wanting to live with you. Kids are very eager to please and they learn to say what gets them approval. They are probably telling her the opposite. It's not that they mean to be dishonest or to play one side against the other, they just want to make whoever they are with at the time happy.

I think his father should have a talk with him - perhaps with you there but dad should lead the conversation. Dad could tell him that he understands his feelings and encourage him to feel free to talk about all aspects of his life with while at dad's home. I think he should ignore the bit about putting you in prayers and what BM said about that but should acknowledge that he misses you, tell him that's normal and tell him that you and dad miss him too.

I also think you should take an honest, critical look at yourself and see if you are doing things to encourage the child to choose your home over BMs. If you are you need to stop.

The only thing you need to 'deal' with is to be kind to the child. You should not be questioning him about what BM says or does with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 5:49am

Run to the stepmum's support board before anyone launches. This isn't really the place for support.



My opinion though, I'm not surprised she got angry he wants to call you "mum", but I think her reaction was over the top. BM wouldn't allow SS to say anything positive about his dad or even mention him, it sucks but you can't change her attitude. Just continue to support, you and his dad,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 5:58am

yawn. Sorry. Your bait is stale and much like the computer in War Games, I have learned that "the only winning move is not to play."

Oh, and BM sux.

************

Kitty



"Jackie Kennedy would not have camel toe"--Tim Gunn

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************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 6:05am

d






Edited 9/21/2010 7:52 am ET by jcountrygirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 6:11am

He is only 6.

Most kids around that age go through a period of having tantrums when it's time to go to the other parent's home. You shouldn't read too much into it. They will probably grow out of it. I believe that it's done to give the parent they are leaving what the child thinks the parent wants or needs. Most of these kids are fine within 2 minutes of being in the other environment.

I think you should leave it alone and just let some time pass. Just let things be what they are. I don't think you need to 'deal' with anything. Just have a good time with the child when he's around and don't try to push anything. Let the relationships evolve as they will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2010
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 7:05am

You really have come to the wrong place for encouragement.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 7:35am
wow. you're something else! it's quite mind-boggling how you feel you have this right to pass judgement on me as a stepmother. to tell me what i should or shouldn't do,or what is the right or wrong way to act in my dh and i's home is preposterous! i honestly don't know what goes on at his mother's house. we don't ask about it. we encourage my dss to speak freely and discuss openly his feelings and thoughts about anything.
and just for the record, dh and i wanted to get a mediator and/or go to counseling...bm refused both.
so instead of you jumping to conclusions and assuming that i wanted and was looking for 'a pat on the back and to commiserate' or to badmouth the bm, you're wrong. i do honestly want what's best for that little boy. and i can assure you i will not venture into your sacred territory again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 7:38am
Did you or did you not post to this board looking for advice? Is it her fault you didn't like it?

************

Kitty



"Jackie Kennedy would not have camel toe"--Tim Gunn

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 8:14am

Ah, don't mind her. She seems to think that all SMs are sinister and are plotting to take over children that aren't theirs.

Disengagement should only be considered as a last resort. I don't think most relationships could survive it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 8:53am

<<,wow. you're something else! it's quite mind-boggling how you feel you have this right to pass judgement on me as a stepmother.>>>

She isn't alone. You came HERE. You asked for what you are getting it. Looking for fluffy bunnies and Super Sweet SM pats on the back? This is not the place. Obviously your judgment is lacking in more places then your blended family.

<<>>

Well then quit b!tching about what BM does in HER home with HER kid.

<<>>>

Right. Because your whole post doesn't bleed "Bad, evil BM is ruining her kid who really wants Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me."

yawn.

brc

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