Watching SKids after School

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2010
Watching SKids after School
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Mon, 08-23-2010 - 2:59pm
Long story short. I'm the SM of three great kiddos. I also have a BS 7 of my own and we are expecting another one. We have them 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. I work from home so I'm there..always. BM works until about 5:30 in the evenings. My husband works until around 6 or 7. So BM texts my husband and asks if SD 7 can come to our house after school on the weeks that the Skids are with her. The only reason this would be feasible is because I'm at home. My husband says that she needs to call and arrange it with me because I am the one that will be watching her. I have zero problem watching SD, she's a princess and never gives any problems at all. BM refuses to call me. My husband does not want to be a go between when BM is asking ME for a favor. And quite frankly, he shouldn't have to. In the past older SD 12 has stayed with SD 7 after school but now SD 12 is in Junior High and gets out at a later time. We tried this last year as well, with me watching everyone when they get out of school. It started off just until 5:30 when BM gets off work. Then she wanted to start going to the gym or out to dinner and sometimes would not pick the kids up until 8:00 at night. It was hectic and my husband felt that we were being used as babysitters so he put an end to it. I can see this happening all over again this year which is why I wanted to talk to BM and tell her she would HAVE to be there as soon as she got off instead of me having to change my entire evening schedule because of her. With the baby on the way and 4 children things can get out of control really fast.
Like I said, I don't mind watching SD but I'm requiring the recognition that it's me doing the watching and not dad.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:02pm

Don't agree to watch the kid.

Easy peasy...problem solved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:03pm
So the debate is...? Are you wondering if you should babysit when you don't want to for someone who refuses to ask you directly and isn't respectful of your time?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:04pm

BM would have to call and ask ME...it's MY time and services...NOT BD's.


If she doesn't want to call?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:06pm

Your post belongs on the support board. This is a debate board. You more than likely will not get the advice/feedback you're hoping for by posting this here.


Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:06pm

So the deal is if she won't call, you won't watch SD. Seems she's making her choice by not calling.

I watch my skids after school if I am here, I also have my ODD after school on her dad's weeks too. Like you said, it's feasible because I'm home. However, I really don't care how long they are here into the evening. My view is they are all welcome here, the longer the better. Use me and abuse me as babysitter, I think the kids are fine here, it's their home too, so if they are here and I'm in charge of the house I'll be in charge of them too.

My preference in your case would be to have the parents work it out, and I'll discuss it with my spouse. I prefer NOT to co-parent or arrange anything directly with BM, though I end up doing it a lot because BM just calls me directly, or dh is out of town and I need to call her directly. But in your case if your dh and you have set that boundary, then it's up to BM to call you or not call you. You are okay with her not calling, right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:18pm
I honestly just wanted to see what others would do or say in my situation. Sorry if you think I posted in the wrong area but I think this is a debatable question. Should I just watch SD because she is my SD and I should be there. Or should I stand up for myself and demand the respect that I really believe I deserve.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:20pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2007
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:22pm

<<Should I just watch SD because she is my SD and I should be there. >>


No.


<>


If you feel strongly that BM should call you, then yes.


I wouldn't do it, but it wouldn't matter to me if BM called me or not. It would be because I don't want to do it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:24pm

<<< I honestly just wanted to see what others would do or say in my situation. Sorry if you think I posted in the wrong area but I think this is a debatable question. Should I just watch SD because she is my SD and I should be there. Or should I stand up for myself and demand the respect that I really believe I deserve.
>>>

You are expecting respect and admiration from the wrong person. It should be your husband asking you for your help in order to give his daughter additional time in his home and out of daycare. It should be your husband that showers you with gratitude. If you can't or won't do it for him, why would you do it for BM?

brc

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:25pm

Should I just watch SD because she is my SD and I should be there. Um, no. Step parent doesn't = free babysitter. You do not owe BM childcare on her time where it is her responsibility to provide childcare because her daughter is your SD.


Or should I stand up for myself and demand the respect that I really believe I deserve. This. And good for your DH for seeing this. He realizes that childcare on BM's time is BM's problem. And if his wife is going to be doing favors, his wife deserves resonable communication. I think if you are good with watching SD on your two weeks on, that is great partnership with your DH. You are not wrong at all for saying no call, no childcare.

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