What if the new spouse doesn't like kids?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
What if the new spouse doesn't like kids?
23
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 2:10pm

Saw this on Dear Prudence, and wanted to see what you all thought about it:

Q. Dad's Girlfriend Hates Me: My dad's girlfriend proclaims she hates/is allergic to kids on Facebook. When my brother and I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 3:15pm
I would not marry someone who would not involve himself with my kids. Period.

Unfortunately, there is little the mom in this letter could do, at least for the 10 year old. I can't imagine my ex going this. If he did, I'd talk to him about how our kids felt.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2009
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 11:53pm
Well lets put it this way, I don't like kids. And I never wanted kids. And my BF who I live with, has two kids. Ages 5 and 10. I guess I can't really say I don't like kids, I just don't like taking care of them or parenting. Now when my bf has his kids, I am friendly. I interact with them and we all go out and do things together.

I guess you can say I treat them like an aunt because thats how I was with my neice and nephew. I go to the school plays etc, I watch movies with them..things like that, and I've even taken his son to see a movie.

So I do get involved with them, I just don't parent them. I don't want to be the one to get up with them on weekends or watch them for my BF so he can go do something. He respects that because he knew thats why I never wanted to be a parent, I have no interest in raising kids. I usually spend a lot of my time with my BF and the kids, then I go off to do my own thing, shopping...or work out, go for coffee..etc..and they love that because they want to spend time with dad alone too.

Im not too sure that involving the mother would help. I think ultimately, its up to dad to handle this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2011
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 3:17pm
"I would not marry someone who would not involve himself with my kids. Period."

I would never marry someone who didn't LOVE my child.
- Luhverly Mom to DS5 Smom to DSD6 & DSD4 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 4:17pm
Well, that too. :)

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2009
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 11:01pm
My BF is completely fine with me not loving his children. He doesn't expect it at all. He admitted he wouldn't be able to love someone else's child as well. Everyones different though and most of the people I know, don't love their new spouses children, or they love them just not like their own. I think thats normal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 4:25am

My dh {second marriage for me} doesn't have any kids, never really been around kids, has openly told me he dislikes my 2 youngest dd's {who are now 31/26} when we meet 13 yrs ago, he was a little rude to the younger one. I just chalked it up to the fact he hasn't been around kids or mainly girls that much. It wasn't until dd#3 moved out did he tell me that he didn't like them. They both treated me abusively like their bio dad, would come to our home & order us around, demand money {middle one went as far as stealing gc's we got a wedding gifts & money from my wallet} but he likes all 3 of the son-in-laws. Go figure. He does love our oldest granddaughter, who is our favorite of the 3 gk's {middle dd refuses to allow me to see them because she can't control me anymore} when Miss Lu was about 5 she would come over to our house, say "Hi grandma, where's Peter at ?" and go look for hm. He's teaching her to play the piano, he will play the guitar for her & she sings & dances for him.

My x, well he's has had a seriers of gf's, who the dd's don't like at all. Not sure how the gf's feel about the kids {33,31& 26} but not my problem unless x tries to drag me into a fight he's having with one of the 3 of them. I haven't seen or spoken to him since I had the police remove him from our house in '04. Don't care too either, he has threatened to kill me many times

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 9:29am

IMO it doesn't matter if the new spouse does or doesn't like my kids, I am lucky that he actually seems to love them, but they REALLY are good kids, they aren't sneaky, mean, or bad. They both get GREAT marks in school behavior, my youngest one makes STRAIGHT As the oldest one suffers from ADD and has trouble staying focused, but makes A's & B's with a few C's with no medication, just working on study habits, and skills to stay focused.... ANYWAYS back on track.... I don't and wouldn't EXPECT my new spouse to LOVE my children right up front.... or REALLY ever, as long as everyone is treated respectfully in our home, it doesn't matter. I would have a problem if my children were treated like CRAP, if that were the case, no I wouldn't marry the guy, but as long as he treats me and my kids great, it doesn't matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 9:51am
If the stepparent staying in the bedroom is causing the kids to feel they aren't liked, loved or a part of the family, I can see it creating a poisonous situation.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 11:00am

not everyone is going to like your kids...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 11:24am
Someone I invite to live in my child's home? Yes, they must like, love, be supportive of and involved with my children. It's not optional in any manner.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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