Who defined your role as a SM/Boundaries
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|Wed, 12-06-2006 - 11:33am|
In our case, the BM wants DH to drop dead. She picked up a new babydaddy at the bar and insisted SD call him daddy and DH by his first name. She told DH, in front of the mediatior, that if it was up to her DH would not be involved at all. We fought a 2 year battle just to have vistiation, so by the time DH was able to do anything about it, it would have been more damaging to have her stop calling the SF daddy. We have a joke about how we should just teach SD to call me mommy so no one will be left out.
I am at the level of a bioparent when it comes to decision making in our home, and I had a seat at the table when we negioated visitation and CS. BM actually defined my role for me. She put her DH on the level of a bioparent (above DH actually), which opened the door for me to define my own role however SH and I wanted to. My SD was 2 when we started having visitation (she's 4 this weekend) so the SP-child role isn't that of "friend."
I know a lot of BMs have major issues with this situation. BM involves SF in decisions about healthcare (over any objections of DH), education (or lack thereof; SD is the only 4 yo I know who isn't in preschool) and disciplinary matters. IMO, unless I'm beating SD or dictating what happens in her house, she has no authority to address what happens in our home