Am I Selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2011
Am I Selfish?
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 1:07pm

OK I need some opinions, I have two beautiful girls, 4 1/2 and 14 months. My first daughter was born on January 21, 2007( which was her due date). I had a vaginal delivery with her. She weighed 8 lbs 15 oz. I went into labor around 4 am that morning. I got up took a shower, did dishes, cleaned a little bit because i knew we'd have people over after I got home. Then woke my husband around 5am. He took a shower and we headed out. We stopped for breakfast because I did not know how long it would be before I ate again. We got to the hospital around 7am. The contractions were around 6 min apart and I was dilated a 3 when I got there. Around 10 am I got my epideral, THANK GOD! I dilated pretty quickly until 7 and stalled. Around 4pm they gave me pitocin to see if that would help. It did a little. Dilated to like an 8. Around 8pm my epideral started wearing off and they would not give me anymore. So by 10:02 when she was born I felt everything, it was so painful. I didnt cry or scream or yell during delivery. I had a 3rd degree tear so when they started sewing me up I scream bloody murder for them to stop. THey had to give me a local to be able to finish. Took them 45 min. Then I finally got to hold my daughter, i cried then. She was so beautiful. I had a hard time with recovery after her. I layed in the hospital bed and did not want to getup or shower or anything. i hurt so bad, i peed in the floor the first time they made me get up. They never tried again. They catherized me because my bladder was very weak. When I got home, i could barely walk. I just stayed in my bed and held the baby. For weeks i thought man Im never gonna recover from this. Not to mention the delivery gave me severe hemmoriods. I did everything they told me to relieve my perineum area and still could not get relief. At my 6 week checkup the dr told me I was still ripped a little they had to resew me in the Dr office and spray some stuff which I think was iodine. It burned like hell. For a complete yeaer and a half after it killed me to be intimate with my husband I did not enjoy it, I cried. So when I got pregnant with my second child in Oct 2009. I thought man I cant do that again. I discussed it with my dr to have a c section. SHe agreed because she could see my scar from the tear. she understood. i felt relieved. So at my 20 week checkup all excited to find out the sex of the baby. they tell me its a girl then the dr comes in and says she might have down syndrome. which i cried not because i didnt want my baby to have it because i was worried about her. so i had to have an amnio done and that was the longest wait of my entire life. I got the results and it came back negative. I cried because i was thankful that nothing was wrong with her. me and my husband both had already decided that if it came back positive I would quit my job to become a full time mother to my children so they can be properly cared for especially the baby. So later on in the pregnancy we had another ultrasound to find out the weight since my first one was bigger. they told me anywhere from 9-10 lbs. i asked my dr to schedule me a c section. she scheduled it on july 7, 2010 at 9am, which was her due date. however of course i went into labor the night before around 2am so we went on in and they said wait until the dr gets there at 9am to deliver. so i was in labor for a few hours.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-19-2008
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 5:20pm

It's tough for a lot of people to understand!