For BTDT moms, how'd you handle visits?

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Registered: 03-29-2003
For BTDT moms, how'd you handle visits?
5
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 3:34pm
I am scheduled for a C-section on Tues, July 8th and after getting some really good advice of this board and others, we decided it would be best for my husband to go back to work for the rest of the week while I am in the hospital with nurses etc. to help me and baby. He will obviously be there on Tuesday when baby is born and come visit nightly after work for the rest of the week until Saturday morning when I will be coming home.

Our childbirth class teacher has told us that three people get wristbands that match (baby, mommy and one other person who has 24 hour visiting rights). Usually this other person is the father of the baby. The problem we have is that it doesn't seem to make much sense for my husband to have the 24 hour band when he will most likely be visiting us during normal visiting hours (6-8pm). So, we are considering giving my mom or my sister the 24 hour band.

Now here's the catch: Once you pick the person to where the 24 hour band, you can't change people.

Also, my mom would already have visiting hours special for grandparents for 12-8pm and I don't know that it would make sense for her to have the 24 hr band either.

OK!!! Wicked sorry for the long rant. For those of you BTDT moms, what did you find was most helpful or what did you need the most when recovering in the hospital after a C-sec?

(e.g., someone there to comfort you, help you with baby, bring you takeout, etc.???)

This will obviously impact our decision on who wears the 24 hour band.

My biggest thought here is that baby will be taken back to the nursery every time after I feed him if nobody else is in the room with me. So...if my husband has the 24 hour band and is at work, he will not be in the room and I will not be given the most opportunity to be with my baby.

UGHH!!! This is SO confusing.

Thanks so much if you can understand this enought or respond.

Curlyf

EDD 7/8 with baby #1...A BOY!

Avatar for hfrazey
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 3:53pm
Hi again...here is my humble opinion :-) Keep in mind I had a csection after a VERY long labor and three hours of pushing. I was exhausted and in a lot of pain (in hindsight I should have used more medication for pain control).

What I needed most was somebody who was there, in the room, all the time. I couldn't get out of bed very easily. I really felt I needed somebody else to change diapers, bring me the baby when she was hungry, and help me get her positioned to breastfeed. We also ended up needing to supplement with finger feedings, and that took the two of us. She was also in a light box for jaundice and I needed help getting her in and out of that and making sure her eyes were covered properly. (Unfortunately you can't predict in advance that these kinds of complications will come up.) I also needed lots of help myself, getting out of bed to go to the bathroom, making sure I had my medication, getting me something to drink, helping me get situated at meal times. The nurses in my hospital were VERY busy. During the few times later in my stay when I was alone with the baby and needed help with positioning etc they were slow to respond to my calls because they had more urgent things to take care of first. Also when I sent her to the nursery, they would bring her to me to be fed when she was beyond hungry and into screaming. It's hard to get a very hungry, hysterical infant calm enough to take the breast, especially when you're first learning. Newborns give lots of cues that they are hungry before they get to the crying stage, and you can pick up on those and feed the baby sooner if s/he is in your room.

My DH is not going to stay in the hospital with me either (he will be back and forth keeping DD on her routine). However my mom is coming into town and will be staying with me 24/7. (DH will probably still have the band, I think he would feel left out somehow if he didn't, although we may end up regretting that decision, we'll see!)

Every mom is different, and scheduled csections are easier to recover from (I pray!!). But this was my experience.

Take care,

Hillary

DD #1 6/22/00, DD #2 csection scheduled 7/1/03

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 3:53pm
First of all, your baby should be able to stay with you in your room. Delivery day is the only day when it's an issue of you being alone, as you can't get out of bed. Once you are up and moving though (usually within 12-18 hours post op) you should be able to have the little one with you.

As for the other band, I'd give it to my dh, even if he's going to be working during the day. He'll still be able to come see you at night and I doubt he'll just want to visit during the 6-8pm time frame. What if he wants to stay until 10 or 11 (past when anyone else is there to give you three some good bonding time) or if he wants to sleep at the hospital with you and baby? I'd give hime the band and let gramma be with you during the day

As for support in the hospital, I'd say it was nice having people around to visit, but I didn't really feel I needed too much "help" per se. Delivery day and the day after are the hardest because you can't move well, but it's important to try and do things for yourself becasue getting up and moving will speed up your recovery. So, instead of having someone bring you the baby, it's good for you to go get him. You'd be surprised how much a 20 foot walk can help! I wasn't in to take-out food, plus it will be a day or so before you can have regular food. It's a good idea to eat light meals (several) rather than big meals right away. Your stomach and bowels will need time to recover as well. Try to drink oodles of water and remember to walk! It is painful the first few times up , but try and focus and stand up straight (you'll have this tendancy to want to hunch over to walk...don't!). Another tip...ask for an abdominal binder. It will help your incision feel more "secure".

Visitors can be nice in the hospital, but do remember that you need your rest and while friends and relatives mean well, sometimes they over stay their welcome and can be stressful in themselves. I know that on the second day after my c/s I just wanted to be alone for a bit and my brother and sister in law were on their way to visit. My dh took the babe to the nursery and told them that I was too tired and so they peeked at the baby there. Don't be afraid to speak up if you feel overwhelmed.

Best of luck to you!

Jessica

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-1997
Wed, 06-11-2003 - 4:16pm
After Baby #1 I wanted as much companionship/support as possible. Hannah stayed with me all day in my room but at night went to the nursery (I knew the girls in there and trusted them to not give her bottles). DH stayed overnights with me but it was summer break so no big deal there.

Baby #2 I ended up being alone a lot during the day but it was OK. My c/s was on a Tuesday afternoon. DH stayed with me that night/the next so he took Tues, Wed, and Thurs off from work. I was at a hospital where I didn't trust the girls in the nursery so I wanted Emily to stay with me round the clock. DH wasn't able to spend a lot of time at the hospital though. He had to leave for a meeting Tues evening and was gone for a while on Wed afternoon/evening (had night classes for his MBA). My family wasn't able to be with me much because Dad was working and my sister was undergoing chemo so my mom had to be with her round the clock. But I enjoyed the alone time. . .the peace and quiet. . .bonding with Emily. It was our very special time alone with each other. A friend came to spend the last night at the hospital with me. Turned into more of a slumber party though, lol. She stayed with me so that DH could have an evening/night with Hannah back at home to settle her back in before Emily and I got home.

No one brought me food either time (unless you count the cookies that we all still rave about that one friend brough, lol). I just planned my hospital food well so that I would have snacks left during the day. I guess I mostly wanted an ovenight guest to help me with feedings and such then.

So I'm no help. I think I'd want DH to have a wristband no matter what--ya never know what might happen and when you might want him to be with you. Is it possible for him to sleep at the hospital with you but get up early enough to leave for work from there? (that depends a lot on what kind of job he has I guess.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 10:48am
Thanks to all who responded. I guess the consensus is that DH should really be the one to have the 24 hour band. My mom will be there from 12-8pm anyway...so she'll be able to help then. While my DH gets up very early 4:00AM every morning to go to work, I'm not too sure he'll be staying over at the hospital..but you never know and I'd rather he have the opportunity and decide not to, then be told he can't cuz he doesn't have the band.

So...all and all what wonderful tips and advice you all gave me. Things I didn't even consider.

I am so excited but yet so nervous that 'B' (birth) day is arriving so fast. I will keep you posted with any new developments.

Thanks so much! you girls are great!

Curlyf

EDD #1, 7/8 a Boy!

Avatar for imichelleford
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 06-15-2003 - 2:51pm
Hi Curly-

I just had my 3rd c-section on May 19th, so It's still really fresh for me- Here's my advice. I think your husband could go to work- just have him tell them that he may need to leave if you need him at the hospital. (it really is an emotional time, and you may want him to come for some reason). If he's saving vaction to help you later at home, that is great! I just had my husband work half days during my 2nd post partum week and it helped me out a lot.

Give your husband the 24 hour band- It isn't just a "visiting" band- Immediately after baby comes out, they will band you and baby (and husband if you chose). This happens before baby leaves the OR. On all 3 of my sections my husband went with baby into the nursery after delivery while I was being "closed up" and sent to recovery. After they finish with baby in the nursery, husband has brought baby to me- In my hospital, they wouldn't let husband into the nursery if he didn't have the band, and would NEVER turn baby over to him so that he could bring him to me if he didn't have the band. It really is a security device. My first son had to be in NICU for 5 days (from several little problems). You won't know whats going to happen until you give that band away, and if you give it to your mom, Daddy won't be able to go into hold baby if anything shoud arise. At my hospital ONLY Grandmas and Grandpa's CAN go into nursery and NICU BUT ONLY if accompanied by MOM or DAD. Also, my hospital lets "family" visit ANY time, they aren't strict about it, so if it makes you feel better go ahead and call and ask.

I guess I was lucky with nurses all 3 times. When I had baby in room and they were crying, if I couldn't reach them I would just use the call button and they would be right there to help. Don't be afraid to ask for anything. Thats what the nurses are there for.

It IS really good for you to get up and moving as soon as possible. One mistake I made with my first section was trying NOT to take the pain meds thinking I was doing the "right" thing. It actually hindered my recovery instead of helped. I was also put on a liquid diet for 24 hours or so following surgery until I started passing gas- (believe me, they will be asking you every hour if you are passing)! After that I was allowed solid food but it was bland. You don't want anyone to bring you anything that may be hard to digest.

I've got my kids calling me, gotta run....GOOD LUCK and enjoy that little boy. (Scott will be one month tomorrow)!! :)

Michelle