New to c-section and a question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
New to c-section and a question...
12
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 3:15pm

First of all, I gotta say that just lurking on this board has made me feel really good about the growing possibility of me having a c-section. I love that you guys tell it to each other straight! We need that kind of honesty. :-)

Let me introduce myself: I'm Jen, 27 years old, DH is 28 and we are expecting our first child this month (EDD is 9/30). My daughter has been transverse throughout my pregnancy and between her position and her size, my doc is fairly certain that we'll be going with a c-section. We already have a date set of 9/18 and she has until then to turn and find the exit!

I've been doing a lot of reading and I'm prepared (I hope) for a lot of what is to come my way medically. My DH is a doctor and my OB is the doc who trained him on many of the obstetrical procedures he preforms (including c-sections) so I have a lot of faith in my medical team and in having help at home. I'm still freaked out, don't get me wrong, but I'm starting to feel like I might just survive the process after all. :-)

The problem I'm running into is really to do with bonding with the baby after the section. I know many hospitals won't let you hold or be in contact with the baby for a couple hours after the procedure. My overbearing MIL plans to come to town to visit with us the night before the surgery. I'm really heartbroken over the fact that she will most likely be the one bonding with my baby while I'm recovering. Meeting my daughter is a moment that I've been waiting for for over 2 years now (what with pregnancy loss, infertility, and then waiting through the pregnancy). My DH says he will do his best to make sure I get a chance to bond with her before other family members do, but I know how he is. He gets SO so excited over things and forgets these plans (it happened at our wedding and it's happened a few times throughout the pregnancy). I know that when the excitement starts, he'll think that it's not such a big deal to let everyone hold and see our daughter before I do.

Did anyone else run into this problem? How did you get around it, if you did?



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Jennifer


Lilypie - Personal picture

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 4:36pm

I've been there.

I'm due 6/18/08!  It's a girl!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 7:00pm

Hi, welcome and congrats!


Do you know for sure that your hosptial take the baby to the nursery? I've worked at hospitals where the baby stays in the OR room with you

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 7:51pm

Welcome to the board and congrats on expecting soon. You sure do have a wonderfully educated hubby so you will not have to worry about the unknown, your hubby will be there to help you through the pre/during/post op.

As for the bonding and recovery post op, it will depend on what your hospital will allow. Quite often if the hospital has a OB OR room then there will be a private recovery room and the baby will be with you during your recovery. If your hospital has a shared or room with the entire hospital then the baby will be taken up to the OB dept where the security is there to keep baby safe. Personally what I would do is ask that the baby not be removed from your recovery room until you are ready to be released to your hospital room, this way only you and hubby will be permitted to be with the baby. If the hospital has to take baby up to the OB floor then I would ask that baby be taken to the nursery and NO ONE other then your hubby may hold baby till you are able to bond with baby. Most hospitals will do what mom and dad want so all you have to do is ask.

Personally I think the easiest way around all of this is to tell family and friends you will call them when they can come to the hospital to visit, that you don't know how you will react to the anaesthesia and you may not be up to visitors right away, that they should probably wait till later int he day to come up and visit. After all we all know that scheduled surgery doesn't always happen as per the schedule, you may not be in the or when you are scheduled to be there, there can be any number of delays that happen, and if that is the case you would hate for them to be waiting around a hospital for hours on end with nothing happening, no baby delivered yet and all. Play it up that you are doing this for their benefit, not for yours, LOL.

Keep us posted and I hope that you will find a solution to this sticky situation....

Dionne

Dionne cl siggy

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Dionne cl siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2005
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 12:10am

Hi and Welcome!


I'm not sure that I can add much to the prior posts, but I wanted to say that with my DS my DH held him the whole time I was in the OR and they handed him to me when I was wheeled back into my room and he never left my arms or

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 4:13am

I need to find out my hospital's policies. My DH works at that hospital, and I was surprised that he didn't know! But then again, does any doc stay around much longer after the birth? That's usually the nurses. I'll have to find out for sure. I don't think they have a separate recovery room (DH wasn't aware of one).

I'm going to have to come up with a birth plan with my OB to include all this new info. Might be good to have both (c-section and vaginal birth) just in case. And I'll make sure to get a nurse on my side for sure! :-)

I have looked into things like external versions and the Webster technique. The chiro I called hasn't called me back yet, and the more I read about ECVs, the more wary I am of them (my hospital has you sign a waiver stating that you won't sue due to broken bones as a result of the procedure - yikes). I'm working on some yoga stretches, but it's more comical than anything else at this point!



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Jennifer


Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 4:17am
See - that is exactly how I feel. If I am a patient in a hospital recovering from major surgery, then I don't want a party around me. And this is a special, unique time for my DH and I, something I'd rather we share together, alone. But DH isn't digging it as much. My MIL is a bit of a steamroller and she has continued to mention to him about how she's been present for all of her grandchildren's births. And since this will be her first grandchild that's out of town, I'm afraid she'll just sit in a chair, in my room, for EVERY visiting hour possible, wanting to rock the baby the entire time. I remember when my niece was born, that was exactly what she did to SIL (but SIL took it like a champ). Ugh.


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Jennifer


Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 4:25am

Dionne - Ooooh, thanks for the tips! I wonder if they will work since they're coming from out of state. I know that my ILs are wanting to come into town that day - and MIL is actually pushing for coming 2 days prior (and the c-section isn't even really set in stone just yet!). My own family is content to wait and let us call them on up (but if they weren't, I'd still be just as nervous/upset about them coming earlier too).

The surgery would be on a Thursday, something I was delighted with at first. You'd think everyone would be content with waiting until the weekend to come visit. Or at least wait until we were at home and settled first. Those few days will mean a world of difference for me.

Your tip about calling when it was said and done was our *original* plan, something I was OK with (they have a drive ahead of them, so I'd have had some built-in time to myself). This is what stinks about a scheduled C - everyone knows the day and time. Unless, like you said, the OR gets busy with more dire patients.



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Jennifer


Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 4:35am

Thanks Heide! I'm definitely wanting to BF, so I will have to give that a shot. That is actually one of my main concerns beyond bonding - making sure I establish BFing as early as possible.

I feel like I'm making my MIL sound like a monster. She's just VERY involved and VERY pushy about staying involved. I'm not at all used to that. She is older (69 - DH was a LATE baby) and is pretty well set in how she thinks babies should be raised. Fortunately, I think SIL modernized a lot of that thinking. But she's still pretty pushy, which I'm afraid of while recovering.

I do have other concerns beyond the immediate ones of being in the hospital with so many visitors. MIL has mentioned several times that she wants to stay with us for a few weeks. I'm definitely not going to be able to handle that - especially since her "help" is likely going to be rocking/cuddling the baby since, due to her age/health, she won't really be able to help with much else. I know I need help post-surgery, and everyone always advises that you shouldn't turn down help. Would you guys say that it's enough to have DH there from the day of the section (9/18) until about a month and a half later (11/1)? He's off the call rotation until then and he's on a research month where he only needs to be in the office for 2 8-hour days a week. What do you guys think?



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Jennifer


Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 9:15pm

Welcome.
In answer to your last question, I think your dh should be plenty of help. He will only be gone 2 10 hour days max. I think having an extra person in your house would just make your recovery harder. If she was able to help besides with the baby it would be nice. From the sound of it though you will be expected to cook & clean for her while tending a newborn & going through all the emotions that come in the first few weeks. I dont think you should put that much pressure on you & on you relationship with your dh. If she was my mil she would not know when to leave.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 12:09am

When i had my c-section (unexpectedly) my husband made it VERY clear to everyone that no one will hold our daughter before i did,other than him ofcourse. i had ( and still having) a difficult time with the in-laws, nothings worst then overbearing in-laws! ugh! but, it was very sweet of my husband to tell everyone that they couldnt hold our daughter until i was able to. So just make that very clear to your husband and keep on him about it so he knows how you feel about the situation. its just annoying how my husbands family thinks they know SO MUCH better than me how to raise MY child, and believe me there have been quite a few altercations about it too. it got so bad for my husbands sister Tacia, her and her son actually had to move out of state to get away from them. but good luck to you dear, also, i had difficulty with the bonding issue as well, because i could barely get myself out of bed, and i would lay in my hospital bed crying because everyone kept snatching my child up and i couldnt get up fast when she would cry in the middle of the night, and change diapers things like that, its depressing when everyones passing your kid around the room to everyone but you.

 

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