Really sad-about repeat c-section. :(
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|Sat, 02-20-2010 - 10:52am|
I am going to have a repeat c-section for many reasons. One is b.c we just moved to our area and literally dont have anyone to baby sit our dd if I go into labor and we cant take her to the hospital. Also we live an hour away from the hospital where I will be delivering. There are several hospitals closer, but I love my dr and they have a great NICU, not that we intend on using it but you never know.Also, I have a weird scar from my last c-section and the dr said if it was his choice he would say go for the c-section, but that I could do a VBAC if I really wanted to.
I am just so sad about it. My last labor was so awful. They induced me due to pre-eclampsia. After 39hours,2 cervidil inserts,a TON of pitocin, it ended with an emergency c b.c her heartrate was getting all crazy. But I never dilated enough. I had "failure to progress". I hate that title. Like I failed, I did something wrong. I had broken foot 3 days before and it sorta dislodged her from the locked and loaded position. So I couldnt get up and walk around to try and help the labor progress either b.c of the foot. B.c I was in bed that long I have permanent nerve damage and still cant feel my left thigh.
I was given the c-section, saw my baby for a minute and that was it. I didnt get to hold her until several hours after she was born. I didnt get to breastfeed right away. I was drugged up on what they called "margarita juice" that I dont really remember anything. I have no memory of the first time I held my daughter. I dont remember seeing my parents/husband hold her for the 1st time. I remember nothing. I was so bummed and upset about the whole thing that I never told my birth story. I was embarrassed and ticked off about the whole thing.
I am dreading all that again. I want to do this vaginally. I want to "give" birth and push a baby out, not have a child ripped from abdomen. I dont want to be all laid up for weeks and not be able to pick my 3y/o up. I dont want to spend that much time in the hospital again. I have seen so many women who's children had to spend time in the nicu because of not getting the fluid of their lungs and that scares me. My c-section scar still hurts when I sneeze and cough. I'm just super said that I will never get to experience what a womens body is supposed to do. I'm sad that I wont be able to do that. I want to have a birth that I enjoy and am proud of. Ok, big girl panties back on :)
Does anyone else understand? Anyone else having another c-section and not really wanna do it? Any words of advice on how to do this? I dont want to go through this whole pregnancy dreading the birth.