Tuesday Talk: Did you feel like you "gave birth"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
Tuesday Talk: Did you feel like you "gave birth"?
22
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 6:42pm
Even though you delivered by c-section, did you still "feel" like you gave birth (which you obviously did), or did the surgical aspect disconnect you from the experience?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-1998

Now I was pretty easy with the idea that i'd "adopted" a baby who happened to be genetically related to me & the husband. A friend of the family had adopted her two children, and she certainly was their mother. However, the timing was pretty bad, coming right when I had just had a nasty surgery & all.

Cthulu Crochet

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
The irony is that the c-section itself was pretty easy for me each time. The first time, I was kinda tired and they worked quickly. I had gone into labor at 11 pm and it was 5 pm that we agreed to the c/s for the cord prolapse. She was born at 6 pm. So I was exhausted and pretty sleepy at that point. The second time, I was fairly well-rested, as rested as you can be as sick as I was (recovering from the flu as well). It was pretty easy to climb onto the operating table and get my epidural. Then the delivery was fairly quick. They took awhile after that, I know he was born at 4:04 and I asked the anesthesiologist what time it was at some point and she said 4:45. I was really bored in there so I talked to the anesthesiologist about March Madness (NCAA basketball). I have a sufficiently positive memory of my epidural experiences that I have encouraged my husband to consider it the next time he requires a knee surgery.

I get kinda sad when I think about my birth experiences. I had a lot of agonizing after my first, as it had not gone well. I had big hopes for my second, a natural VBAC. But ultimately, all I wanted from my second birth experience was that it wouldn't be as bad as my first. In fact, it was worse. He was away from me for four hours after birth (and I don't remember seeing him for the first time). Then apparently I spent the next four hours holding him and apologizing to him. I'm not sure if I feel bad that I don't remember that, or happy that I don't remember that. This is compounded by the fact that there are no pics of me with him until two days after he was born.

I'm starting to just move on from it, though. Maybe the best thing of all is knowing that I'll never have to go through any of it again.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
Wow, makes me all the more thankful to have not had to deal with the issues you did, Holly!! Again, I am so sorry that you had that experience!!

With the meds I had for my c-section, I felt completely coherent which was surprising for me. I expected to be knocked to the world pretty much that whole first day, but that's really not the case. I do have video from the first moments in my room holding the baby where I look "stoned" and I was obviously dozing in and out during that time. But, I had been contracting every 2-3 minutes for about a whole day prior to my c-section, and was up pretty much the whole night trying to shift positions and relieve the pressure, so I was EXHAUSTED by the time she was actually delivered. I think that was my biggest issue by that point, and not really the medications I was on, cause I do still remember the day.

How I wish that you could have had at least ONE experience that wasn't like that for you!! (((HUGS)))

I've still got high hopes for Manda's next delivery that she will get a VBAC, and get to retrieve the experience that she had originally planned to have!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
I am SO sorry, Manda, that this is how your delivery felt for you!! That's not how it was supposed to be, and I really can't imagine!!! (((HUGS)))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Mag was designed by the devil himself. It makes you feel really tired and dizzy. My second hospital did not allow people to leave the bed while they were on it or for several hours afterward. This meant I was on a catheter for two days when my son was born, and for about 18 hours when he was a week old and I had to go back in. It makes you more sensitive to narcotics, so they have to be really careful and monitor you closely if you have an epidural. If you're on it long enough, it depresses your lung function. I was on supplemental oxygen for two days after each birth. If you're on it long enough, there is a risk of magnesium poisoning, which is bad enough for adults but can be really, really bad for babies. This was an argument in favor of me not staying pregnant for even one day longer than I had to. If I had to deliver within a couple days anyway, better earlier than later. Mag crosses the placenta and can really have a negative effect on babies, particularly worse the longer they're on it. It really, really sucks. I imagine my c-sections would probably have been nothing to write home to mother about if I hadn't had the mag.




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Registered: 06-17-2007

What do you mean that you weren't allowed to make decisions? Do you mean that this was an overall sense you had after consenting to the surgery, or do you mean that there were instances in which you tried to act on his behalf and were denied?




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
No, to me "giving birth" has a connotation of action and choice and also of feeling alive. I felt none of those. Once I signed that consent form, I was no longer allowed to make decisions, and could do nothing, literally (numb and paralyzed) and figuratively (felt helpless and unvalued). There was a small moment of relief when he first cried, which was quickly dashed when I realized I was still not allowed to make decisions, even for my son. When I think back, I remember the joy during pregnancy, then a blur, and a few months later when we finally felt bonded. I feel like the whole birth and post partum experience is somehow missing. Almost like he was adopted. Although I'm sure it is nothing like an adoption, as I don't truly know how those moms feel, that's just what I imagine it to be like.

Manda :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
I was really worried that by having a scheduled c-section that it wouldn't feel like a real birth to me, and make me feel disconnected from the baby. In that way, she gave me the gift of putting me in labor the day before the scheduled deliver, I guess. So I had a natural progression with the contractions, and was ready to get the baby out by the time they actually did the c-section. It didn't bother me to not "push" her out, because even though I was numb, I could still feel when she came out, and then heard her screams immediately! She was VERY mad when she came out! LOL And I definitely felt like I had given birth when the spinal was wearing off, no question something big had just happened to my body! LOL
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
It is really hard when the expectation doesn't even come close to reality! And oh those cameras can be so frustrating!! Even now that things are digital, it never fails that the battery will be dead or the card will be full!! UGH!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
That magnesium sounds horrible, Holly!! I'm so sorry that you went thru that!!
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