Tuesday Talk~9/27 How did you feel about visitors

Community Leader
Registered: 01-19-2008
Tuesday Talk~9/27 How did you feel about visitors
17
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 10:25am

after your birth?

Did you want a lot of visitors the day you delivered?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
With my first, no visitors. With my second, my parents came every day so my daughter could see us, and a couple times they stayed long enough for my husband to go home and take a shower.

My husband and I are pretty private people when it comes to recovery. We don't like lots of visitors when we're trying to feel better.




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Community Leader
Registered: 01-19-2008

I feel the same way Holly.

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
jennh1230 wrote:

after your birth?

Did you want a lot of visitors the day you delivered?

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
With my son we called my mom after we had him. But he was a quick delivery. I'm pretty private as well. If I could have I would have had my dh out of the room too! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
The plan was to not really allow visitors. We thought we'd labor at home as long as possible, go to the hospital and see how fast things were going before calling our moms. We figured visitors popping in to say hi would be ok until labor got serious. Then we'd kick everyone out until about 2 hours after birth (to allow for breastfeeding and bonding), then let people come in a little at a time.

Well I started with an unplanned induction on a Friday morning after an appt. DH had taken the morning off and we had been hanging out with his brother before the appt so when he called to see how it went and we told him what was going on, he met us at the hospital and stayed there all day. I thought it would be weird but it was actually nice. He brought a little distraction to the situation which helped with our stress levels (since not much was happening despite the induction). That night my mom and sister and MIL got there and came in just to say hi then went back out to wait. By that point the first BIL and his gf had gone to wait outside instead of in the room w us. When I ended up with the c/s the next day, another of DH's bros and his sis came over (both live hours away). So by then we had my mom (my sis had gone to our house to clean and feed dogs and stayed there), my MIL, 2 BILs (1 w a GF), 1 SIL and I think that was it. They ALL came in my room once I got settled in my overnight room. I was glad they had waited until I was in bed and they all stayed back away from me instead of crowding around me. I felt like death warmed over though and I just remember sweating and being hot but I didn't know if I was naked under my blanket or if I was bleeding (felt like I'd been ripped in two) so I didn't want to take it off and I was so hot that it hurt. I couldn't breath and started hyperventilating and was terrified and overwhelmed with grief over not seeing my baby. I didn't want to draw attention to myself though or make a scene with all those people watching me. They were all talking and carrying on about who-knows-what and I was dying inside. I just remember looking around the room and wondering why nobody else was feeling hot and why nobody was checking to see if I needed anything. DH was right there though and asked if I was ok and when I told him I was hot he said it wasn't hot in the room but he'd turn up the AC anyway. Turns out it was up so high already that it wouldn't kick on. So he got a wet rag and put it on my face and my SIL pulled a fan out of her purse (who carries such things?!) and started fanning me. I was bawling by this time and the nurse came in to check me and said I shouldn't feel hot, that I was ok and I told her no, I'm not, so she brought ice packs and put them on my neck and underarms. Then I was crying because I was embarrased about making a scene. UGH! Its been 11 months and I still get teary thinking about that afternoon!
My MIL and one BIL went home the next day so then we just had SIL, BIL, his GF, and my mom. They were all there off and on until Sunday night. Monday was calm, with only my mom there and BIL when he got off work. Monday afternoon one friend from work came to see me and brought me oreos and chocolate milk (my pregnancy craving). I cried with joy when I saw her. I knew she was just there because she knew I needed a friend. Tuesday we got to go home and BIL came to help get all our stuff out of the hospital room and unloaded at the house then he went back to work. My mom and sis made supper for the night, then they left too. It was like the calm after the storm. Our house was so silent after being around all those people! I'm truly grateful for my mom, sister, BIL (the original one) and SIL being there. My mom was good at bossing the nurses around. BIL and SIL were great for taking care of DH (since he was so busy taking care of me) and my sister cleaned my house while she was there. I could have done without the major audience for my little nervous breakdown though.

For the next 2 weeks it was pretty quiet but most days BIL and his GF came by after work. Sometimes they brought take out. Most of the time it was nice to see them but some nights it would be like 8 or 9:00 and I was so exhausted and I just wanted them to leave. I didn't have any friends from work come for about 3 weeks and that kind of disappointed me. I don't really have any friends except them and honestly, even though we were "work friends" we were actually really good friends, so it bothered me that nobody came to check on us. I know they were just giving us space though.

Manda :)

Community Leader
Registered: 01-19-2008
Oh my goodness, Manda. I don't remember having anything like you described, but I'm glad you did finally speak up and tell someone. But, I understand why you would've felt funny about it too. I think that's a big reason why I don't like having people there.

When people are there I feel like I'm supposed to feel good cause admitting that I don't makes people uncomfortable or something. LOL

I will tell you one thing that happened when I delivered my first baby. I too was really good friends with the ladies I work with, and I delivered at a hospital on 5 minutes from my work. Well, I had my baby on the evening of Aug. 28, and then the next morning a co-worker's daughter had a baby at the same hospital. I had found out later that some of my co-workers that I had considered pretty close friends had come to visit the other lady's daughter, but never even bothered to visit me! I was hurt!! I thought we were closer than that. :(
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-19-2008
ubergeek wrote:
With my son we called my mom after we had him. But he was a quick delivery. I'm pretty private as well. If I could have I would have had my dh out of the room too! LOL

My dh wouldn't have been in the room for any of my births if it had been his choice!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 09-29-2011 - 12:55pm
jennh1230 wrote:

When people are there I feel like I'm supposed to feel good cause admitting that I don't makes people uncomfortable or something. LOL

Manda :)

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Oh no! That's horrible. I'd have been upset too.

It may seem selfish but not one of my neighbors gave me anything, not even a card. I gave to all of them when they had a baby, even the one woman's daughter. I don't give to get (even though this pretty much sounds like it, but I promise I don't - I love giving gifts and picking out 'themes' to give around), but not even a congratulations card? That hurt. Although my husband says I only get hurt because I expect too much of people. Ah well.
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Community Leader
Registered: 09-23-2010
Oh Manda, that's awful! I didn't experience that but I was super sick from the morphine - scratching and dry heaves. Luckily my mom was the only extra visitor we had (and that was only because she had to bring my son to the hospital to see me - he's very protective of me). I would have been quiet too, for as long as I could.

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