Just looking for some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2013
Just looking for some advice
Fri, 01-25-2013 - 3:40pm

Hello everyone!  I was hoping that some moms around my age could offer up some advice.  Sometimes I just feel like I'm losing my own identity because I'm so wrapped up in my role as a mom.  Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and wouldn't trade it for anything, but there are somedays I'd like to take off my "mom" coat and put back on my "me" coat (not that I'm even sure what a me coat would look like anymore).  Are any of you able to find the time to just do things you enjoy and make you happy? Am I selfish for missing who I used to be?

Avatar for laur75
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2002
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 7:50pm

Hello, and welcome.  I do know what you mean, and I sometimes have this same struggle with myself.  I don't know how old you are or the age of your children, but I have found that the older my children have gotten, the more I can find time to do things I enjoy and find "myself" again.  I think that as mom's we should always try and make time for ourselves, but that is a difficult thing to do on a daily bases.  One day my husband actually checked me into a hotel for the weekend and left me there while he watched our daughter.  I spent that time reflecting on who I was, what my goals for my life were, and trying to reconnect with myself.  So, yes, I think we all struggle with this and I think you should definately try and do things you enjoy, not for yourself, but also for your children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2000
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 9:08pm

I don't think you're selfish at all!  How old are your kids?  Mine are 4 and 8, and I felt the same way for a long time.  Actually, only recently have I started feeling more like myself rather than "so-and-so's mom."  It was kind of depressing when a woman I'd known for about two years told me she didn't know my name and only thought of me as Lucy's mom.  :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 02-14-2013 - 2:17pm

hello!! i understand totally. i have 3 kids-12, 9 and a 7 week old. (yes i decided to start all over again-lol) i work-i have worked before i had my kids and after as well. it helps cuz then i am me-im not just somebodys mom. i also play cards once a month with a group from our church-and ive played cards other times when weve just been an informal group-not the whole group. ive also played bunco(dice game)a couple of times. these are all fun adult things where i dont feel like only a mom-i feel like me again. the thing is-dont be surprised if this mom-me that you are is different from the me you were before you were a mom. it will be because you are different. maybe see if theres a club you can join (like a book club or a cooking club) or go work out at a gym. maybe join a bowling league or go to swimming at a community pool. schedule a day out with some friends, go catch a movie, go get your nails or hair done-something nice for yourself and to take a break from your kids. its all right to need a brteak-you get bvreaks when youre working and lets face it-what job is harder than being a mom??