Son Has No Self-Control

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Son Has No Self-Control
5
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 10:59am

My son has self control issues and i was wondering what i could do about this? He is very smart and talented, but regardless of the consequences he always chooses to do the wrong thing. Then when he has to suffer the consequences for his actions, he hates it and gets upset. He usually gets in trouble for the same exact things and the fact that he also doesn't respect adults or others and he is only 7 is very conserning. I am currently taking him to a therapist which helps to an extent, but it appears that he's just that way inclined. Also, he is not starting to lie to me more and is becoming sneaky. I love my son and i want the best for him, but i'm concerned about this behavior as he gets older. I've spent countless times at his school at parent teacher conferences and with the school principle and they seem to think that he's going to end up in jail which scares me. When he was suspended from school, i informed his dad and all he had to say was "He lives with you during the school week so you have to deal with that". So clearly i get no support from his father. Has anyone been through this or have any suggestions? Thanks!

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 9:42pm

My suggestion is to get your son a complete psychiatric workup, find out EXACTLY what is going on--and there is undoubtedly more than one condition at work here--and MAKE SURE you follow through with medication and counseling.  Get counseling and parenting training for yourself as well.  For however long it takes.  At 7, you can still right the ship.  At 17, it's all over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 9:11am

Well the therepist has diagnosed his bahavior as being affected by his father. Apparently the unstable environment he encounters when he goes for weekend visits with his dad's family is not as stable as it is when he is with me and it's affecting him. Gradually over time, he has started seeing his father less and less and he has even mentioned that it's not fair that he gets to see me all the time and doesn't get to see his dad a lot. His therapist would like to meet with his father to get a better understanding of what his environment with his dad is like and also to let him know how his lack of stability and absence and even annimosity towards me is affecting his son more than he realizes. My son doesn't need medication. He has no mental issues, his dr has ruled it out. My mother is a Juvenile Occupational Therapist who has been watching him closely and monitoring his progress and behavior since the day he was born. She said he does not have any severe problems and she also feels that it's the lack of his father's presence and unstable environment when he goes away for the weekend that's affecting him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 9:11am

Well the therepist has diagnosed his bahavior as being affected by his father. Apparently the unstable environment he encounters when he goes for weekend visits with his dad's family is not as stable as it is when he is with me and it's affecting him. Gradually over time, he has started seeing his father less and less and he has even mentioned that it's not fair that he gets to see me all the time and doesn't get to see his dad a lot. His therapist would like to meet with his father to get a better understanding of what his environment with his dad is like and also to let him know how his lack of stability and absence and even annimosity towards me is affecting his son more than he realizes. My son doesn't need medication. He has no mental issues, his dr has ruled it out. My mother is a Juvenile Occupational Therapist who has been watching him closely and monitoring his progress and behavior since the day he was born. She said he does not have any severe problems and she also feels that it's the lack of his father's presence and unstable environment when he goes away for the weekend that's affecting him.

Avatar for laur75
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2002
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 2:11pm

If the visits with the father are causing this, something else might be occuring when he is there.  If these are court ordered visits, I would go back to court and tell them what the therapist has said, make sure to bring documentation as they won't take your word for it alone.  If you just let him go because you are being nice, I would stop until the father has talked to the therapist.  Maybe it's time you explained to your son that although his father can see you, he chooses not to and that it isn't your fault.  I wouldn't take the blame or put up with the crap just because the dad is acting like a juvenile.  If he cares at all for his son he should be present and help with the issue, not put it all on you.  Good luck to you and your son.

Avatar for laur75
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2002
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 2:12pm

double post.  so I deleted it.