stymied, sorta...

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
stymied, sorta...
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 10:28am

DS has been over a couple of times since we've had the dog, and has complained to me, both times, that his throat starts to seal up and his eyes start to itch.  This is NOT unusual; he has dog allergies.  So to me, I'd just as soon say we can't keep the dog; I want my son to be able to visit, spend the night, etc. over the next 10 years.  DH is saying ds made it up conveniently - ds is the one who told us we should get a dog and now he's saying he's conveniently allergic.  I don't see why ds would say this as he's only over a few hours/week during the school year. I do want him to be home this summer as usual, and I do believe he's having allergic reactions.  But dh is saying he's 'out of it' and it's up to me to get with dh's friend who gave us the dog.  What would you do!?  Obviously dh is taken by the dog.

Also a little background - she was both in Oklahoma and Joplin, MO in shelters, caged for 2 years.  She's been at dh's friend's since October with 4 other dogs that she was intimidated by, so she's more relaxed at our house, but... She's VERY sweet but has serious issues.  She freaks out when ds wants to play with her.  She also freaks out when she sees dogs on our walks (although they're on invisible fences), or people who want to meet her - she cowers and puts her tail between her legs, and then you have a hard time getting her to walk the next time.  She only lays on our couch; she gets up to eat or go out, then back to the couch. Granted it's only been since 2/23 but I'm not sure she'll get over all of this as she's 2.5 years old. 

I think she's nice and MAYBE with lots of work she will come around, but I really don't want her to be the reason ds doesn't come over for more than an hour or so...

(2nd time I've tried to post this so hopefully not a duplicate)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 10:50am

I'd say if your son is in college and expected to live at home during the summer and he is allergic to dogs, then you should get rid of the dog.  It's pretty simple.  My son is allergic to cats and every time he goes to a friend's house who has a cat, he'll come home with red eyes and sneezing.  I don't understand why your DH would think he makes it up.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 11:23am

DH has some trust issues with ds, so this just triggered that again somehow.  I guess I'll somehow confirm with ds that he definitely has those issues with this dog (I am sure tho) and will send the email.  I hate this. (and I see the topic posted 3 times - but a good hour after I'd initiated it - argh!)

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 11:56am

Starting with talking to your ds sounds right. I'd be curious too as to why he encouraged you to get the dog if he is allergic...unless it was something he said one time off the cuff and hadn't really thought about his allergies and how often he might be at your house. Could there be an ulterior motive, such as ds would prefer to stay at the condo and he'll say that he cannot move back home for the summer because of the dog? (is that what your dh thinks is going on?) What about his cat, will it get along with the dog?

Are you feeling like you don't really want to deal with the difficulty of socializing the dog? I'm pretty sure that it can take a lot of time and patience, and she may never act completely "normal", or she might. 

If your feeling is that your ds must spend the summer at your house (because you don't want to pay utilities at the condo or whatever) and allergy medication is not a good option then it seems like the dog will need to go.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 12:32pm

Where there's a will, there's a way.  Dh is very allergic to cats, and moderately allergic to birds/feathers.  That did not stop him from courting me for 5 years, while I had 3 cats (one of which HE gave me) and a a parakeet. And this was back in the day when they did not have non-drowsey antihistamines.   After we got married, I left the cats and birds with my mom, but more just showed up anyway.  God sent us a parakeet -literally- on DD1's third bday.  It was flying around our yard, and landed on DH's hand.  We've now had parakeets for 30years.  We got my mom's last cat till he died.  DD1 rescued a kitten in 2007.  He was so ill he had to be hand fed every hour.  She brought him here, if she had to go somewhere.  These days, she and her husband have 3 cats, all rescues.  That does not stop us from visiting them.  We have kittysat when they have gone on vacation.

Dh was talking about this just the other day with Anthony, who ALSO has allergies.  Anthony's dad is a VET, and his parents' home has always been filled with cats, dogs and birds, as has ours.  Dh said he has not breathed out of both nostrils simultaneously since the day he met me.  The new antihistamines have been a god-send, but are still not a 100% cure.  That has not stopped either of them.

And we've had rescues our entire lives.  I've never had one I couldn't figure out a way to get around.  The only one I would NOT take in , would be a biter.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 1:15pm

He is not allergic to all dogs; just some.  Our past dog wasn't really a problem. This one is.  He's not good on meds of any kind - always gets the most bizarre side effects (he cannot take aspirin, ibuprofen, acetaminophen, etc., much less meds that'd help him with his Ehlers Danlos)  And he has had his cat over twice with the dog; the dog is oblivious to cats, and his cat is just fine with that.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Thu, 03-06-2014 - 8:24am

I'm sorry Suzy that you are caught in the middle of this situation. Seems to always be a Mom's role.  Rescue dogs bring a lot of love along with the work to blend them into your family. We have had 2 rescues. The first was a chow who was show quality but who had been badly abused. It took us 6 mths before he would accept a treat from my hand and a yr from a male.  We now have a pomchi, who was also abused. She bonded to me immediately, too much so.. She sits at front door whenever I go out. If I'm away overnight, DH has to pick her up & carry her to bed as she won't leave the front door. Both dogs have taken work to blend into our family but they have given us so much in return.

My eldest DS also has allergies & doesn't like animals with the exception of the rescued chow who became his dog.  He especially doesn't like our current dog as she came after we had to have our chow put to sleep. My DS is only a visitor to my home now even though I wish he hadn't grown up & still lived here full time . You want your DS to visit but he isn't living there anymore even if he comes for the summer. He is only a visitor. You & your DH's wants & needs are a priority in your home but I feel for you as I'm sure your natural inclination as a Mom is to make things work for your DS.  I hope talking to him reassures you that your DH's trust concerns are unfounded. I understand that DS has issues with meds but maybe you could ask druggist to recommend one with least side effects for your DS to try or maybe try a herbal product. Natural products have less side effects. 

Good luck with your decision but please make it quickly. That little dog has been hurt enough & doesnt need to bond closely with you if you aren't going to keep her.