Stymied...sorta...

Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
Stymied...sorta...
8
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 9:41am

DS has been over a couple of times since we've had the dog, and has complained to me, both times, that his throat starts to seal up and his eyes start to itch.  This is NOT unusual; he has dog allergies.  So to me, I'd just as soon say we can't keep the dog; I want my son to be able to visit, spend the night, etc. over the next 10 years.  DH is saying ds made it up conveniently - ds is the one who told us we should get a dog and now he's saying he's conveniently allergic.  I don't see why ds would say this as he's only over a few hours/week during the school year. I do want him to be home this summer as usual, and I do believe he's having allergic reactions.  But dh is saying he's 'out of it' and it's up to me to get with dh's friend who gave us the dog.  What would you do!?  Obviously dh is taken by the dog.

Also a little background - she was both in Oklahoma and Joplin, MO in shelters, caged for 2 years.  She's been at dh's friend's since October with 4 other dogs that she was intimidated by, so she's more relaxed at our house, but... She's VERY sweet but has serious issues.  She freaks out when ds wants to play with her.  She also freaks out when she sees dogs on our walks (although they're on invisible fences), or people who want to meet her - she cowers and puts her tail between her legs, and then you have a hard time getting her to walk the next time.  She only lays on our couch; she gets up to eat or go out, then back to the couch. Granted it's only been since 2/23 but I'm not sure she'll get over all of this as she's 2.5 years old. 

I think she's nice and MAYBE with lots of work she will come around, but I really don't want her to be the reason ds doesn't come over for more than an hour or so...

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Registered: 08-22-2009
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 10:16am

DD1 is allergic to cats, besides not really being cat people because of that we would never get a cat.  I do not wany any of my children not coming to my house because it makes them feel uncomfortable or to come and feel uncomfortable.

DD3 has chosen to have cats.  She is both a cat and dog lover and cats work better with her situation at the moment.  DD3 always changes her clothes and showers before any get together with DD1 and even then sometimes she has to separate herself from her sister because she still feels the effect.  I do not think that DD1 ever went to the apartment that DD3 previously lived in but she has spent some time at the house she lives in now,  it has no carpet so keeping the cats in another room seems to keep the allergies in check. 

Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 11:26am

I guess I'll bite the bulltet.  DH is going to be very disappointed but I feel backed into a corner.

Avatar for shirley_v
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Registered: 04-29-2000
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 11:55am

Oh dear, Sue.  I have no advice -  not having had the experience before with allergies in the family.  But I am sorry to hear of this - so sad it couldn't have worked out for everyone's sake.   I was just thinking or wondering if some sort of dog pyschological help is needed here for the dog's behaviour which has suffered from so much past abuse of some kind, it seems.  That has nothing to do with the allergy question, but it sounds like the dog needs something to help her get beyond all these problems so she can be a happy pet for someone.  I have seen some episodes of the "Dog Whisperer" and wondered if there was that sort of help available, if it would work.  However, that isn't the issue that is most pressing for you what with your Ds having allergy issues.  Is there not some medication that would help with that?  I have no experience with this. - sorry to say. 

Shirley

Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 2:39pm

I assume there is something that can be done to help her relax.  I also understand she was in a car accident and trapped in the car for 4-5 hours so she's petrified of going for rides.  I'm sure that if ds didn't have the allergy issue, we'd somehow try to work through all these things with her but I just don't see how when the allergies are in the way.

This is just going to cause a rift between dh and ds...with me in the middle...sigh.

Avatar for sabrtooth
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Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 3:47pm

Sue, I'm going to play Devil's advocate here.  We have been frequent fliers to allergists and dermatologists for over 40 years now, so... a little biology.  Someone is either allergic to something, or they are not.  If your son is allergic to dogs he is allergic to ALL dogs. Different dogs, even within the same breed, may produce more or less allergens (which is the dander-skin flakes), and more or less at different times of the year, but they always produce SOME.  So, the reaction may vary, but there is ALWAYS a reaction, IF one is allergic to a dog.  

However, there are ways to control the allergens.  Dust and vaccum your house regularly.  Keep the dog off the couches and upholstered chairs that allergic people sit on.  Since the dander is the allergen, washing the dog, especially with an allergen-reducing shampoo, has been PROVED to reduce allergens by at least 85%, for up to 3 days.  And the easiest of all, reduce contact.  If your son is allergic, he should not pet or play with her.  Which begs the question of WHY he was playing with her, since you said the dog freaked out when your son tried to play with her.

So I'm wondering, did the allergic reaction occur as soon as he walked into the house, after he touched her, or after she "freaked out"?

I'm also wondering why your son wouldn't "suck up" a stuffed nose, and itchy eyes, for the sake of his father having a pet he cares for?  My husband has certainly done that for my sake, and that of our kids.  He only takes antihistamines if symptoms get TERRIBLE, which is usually when the animal exposure is during hayfever (which he also has)  season.

And lastly...  You said there will be a "rift" between your dh & ds, with you in the middle.  Why would your son make you "choose" between him and his father?  You said your dh has "trust issues" with your son.  Is it POSSIBLE that your son is manipulating you? 

Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 7:33pm

Dh and ds are like oil and water at times.  No, ds's not manipulating me - I've seen his eyes after a couple hours around the dog (and other dogs over the years).  I knew he was allergic to dogs for years but loves them.  Our previous dog apparently didn't have the bad dander issues this one does.  I even feel some issues with her and am usually pretty tolerant with dogs.  (I'm very allergic to horses, rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, gerbils....throat closes up, eyes swell shut - he is like that with a dog that gets to him, otherwise it's lesser with ones that aren't as bad - I did google and there are dogs that are better for those with allergies and they do recommend doing trials to be sure before you commit)  For me the allergic reaction to rabbits and such happens after an hour or two if they're in another room; immediately if in the immediate area. It's not a stuffed nose; it's a constricting of the airways like I'd assume someone going into anaphalaxis gets. He seems to be the same.  He didn't touch the dog; he was in the same room and just put his hands on his knees to begin play and she freaked. He would love to have a dog; at the condo or here, but one that doesn't make his allergies flare.  My son isn't making me choose - dh is making me make the call to his friend as if it's my fault ds has allergies that he can't 'suck up'.

Avatar for nora_mcl
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Registered: 10-30-2011
Tue, 03-04-2014 - 9:31pm

Sabr-I hate to say it-but you are WRONG. Not all dogs cause the same reaction-there are some dogs that do not cause problems. My dd #1 is allergic to most dogs, also my one son-in-law is, but both are managing with poodle cross dogs-one has a Schnoodle, one has a Labradoodle. AND there are different stages of allergies-obviously Ed is mildly allergic-I'd say that Sue's son is probably severely allergic. He might do better with a Poodle-cross, Sue, it might be worth a try. Unfortunately it sounds as if this dog is not the one for your family. I know that (our)Susan fell in love with a Border Collie, & she tried everything to keep Abby-but you cannot take allergy medicine every day. For one thing, it is a drug & it's effectiveness wears off; for another thing it is a DRUG & if possible, you should not take it every day. Every drug has side-effects (even aspirin or tylenol or artificial sweeteners). We got Abby when Susan couldn't do it anymore. I am mildly allergic to dogs & cats (& cows-but we don't have pet cows in the house)

Sue-you gotta do what is right for your family. All of them. Maybe you need to look into rescuing a more appropriate dog breed for your son. The Labradoodle is a big, gentle & very laid back dog (Mike said it should be called a "Pooprador" but the kids said "GRANDPA!")-the Schnoodle is a little more hyper & is smaller-or Lucky is. (I think they can be bigger-depends on the size of the Schnauzer & the Poodle-both can be large too).

For the record-when I first read this-I was on the side of "Suck it up, Buttercup"-but then I re-read it, thought of our Susan & Rob & how they suffer, Rob comes here with our 2 Pugs & the cats & he really gets in agony. He takes meds-but it is just a visit, & we do have an air cleaner for the room they sleep in-but this isn't his home. So IMHO-you have to let someone else rescue this dog & aim for one more appropriate for your son-& your lifestyle.

Nora

Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 03-05-2014 - 8:28am

Thanks, Nora - and a guy at work and having googled it also agree with the poodle/mix idea.  The tough part is dh is pretty taken with this one and I know he'll be upset when she goes.  He did talk to ds last night and hopefully ds got through to him.  DS came over for about 5 minutes last night (needed money for that ceramics conference) - said his throat got bad in that time (you enter our house through the garage into the den, where the dog hangs out all day). I guess if dh is insisting I do the contact to his friend, I'll do it.

Sue