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|Mon, 11-18-2013 - 2:07pm|
So, the holidays are approaching...I leave for AZ in 6 days and am excited to be spending it with my family instead of dh's. It takes an airline ticket, but I simply couldn't spend another holiday without my own children at my holiday table. They always choose to go to their father's as he has extended family, so I lose out. So, this year, I decided to make myself happy and go spend it with my family in AZ who I am very close to. :) I have 4 DDs and only 2 will be here for Thanksgiving, so obviously, they don't care and I know where they will be. Dh was a single father, so I always have to look at his sons (whom I'm not real fond of) at our table and not my own children. It's very difficult. Needless to say, I'm REALLy excited about this Thanksgiving. :)
Ok...now for Christmas. All 4 DDs will be home. My question is...do I even GET DD26 (#3 daughter) a gift? I honestly do not feel like it and she most likely won't come to my house anyway. Two Christmases ago, she told me coming to my house WAS my gift. Last year, she didn't come over to my house AT ALL over Christmas, but on New Year's Eve asked me for her Christmas present. I asked her, "Do you mean when do we want to EXCHANGE gifts??" DD26 had told me she has used her Christmas bonus to buy Christmas presents. So, I asked her who she bought for. She said, "My friends, Grandma (my ex-MIL)..." and I asked her if she'd bought her father something and she said yes. So, I said, "So you didn't get me a gift?" and she said "No"...yet still expected a gift from me. As you can all imagine, my heart felt like it had been stabbed. I couldn't take it anymore. I told her calmly that we were "done" and until she could treat me and dh as family and treat me with the respect I deserved, that we just were done. She then proceeded to tell me I was f'uped in the head and bi-polar. I told her I loved her and walked out the door. I did eventually send her Christmas present to her via my DD22 and never got an acknowledgement. I did see her once in the middle of January and that's the last time I've seen her and she is my only daughter who lives in my town. I just couldn't allow her to treat me the way she did any longer. I saw her once in January when I met with 2 of my other DDs and we spoke very little. I have texted her a few times throughout the course of the year inviting her to join my DD22 and me when we get together, but she declines or doesn't respond at all. I also sent her a card with a check in June for her birthday...again...no response. I DO love my daughter, but I simply cannot allow her back in my life until she grows up. The last thing she texted me in July was "You chose dh over your own children and I can never forgive that. I don't see us having a relationship any time soon." That was the end. My counselor says until she matures and gets over feeling that way, we won't have a relationship. So, I continue to love and worry about her, but I no longer try to contact her. My other 3 DDs aren't close to this sister and just think she's being really immature. Anyway, the long and short of it is this...do I buy her a gift or not? I honestly don't feel like it, but my fear is she will come with her sisters to my house at Christmas and I would have gifts for her sisters, but not for her.
What would YOU all do if you were me. I really respect your advice. :)